So a pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on one shoulder, a sword at his side, and an entire roll of paper towels swathed around his cranium. Everyone looks at him funny, but they are all afraid to ask. Finally the bartender approaches the pirate and says “So, um, Mr Pirate, Sir, I was wondering. I understand the parrot and the sword, but what’s with the paper towels?”

The pirate responds with a growl “Arrrr… there’s a Bounty on me head!”

I have an eye patch on. I’ve had an eye infection for over a month, and it’s not getting better. So, I asked my husband to bring home some eye patches, to keep my eye closed so it can heal properly. As he tossed me the box full of adhesives, he said “Hey- how much were those earrings?”

I said “What?”

He said “A buck an ear!”

I replied “Funny.”

He asked “Hey- what’s your favorite fast food restaurant?”

I said “Aarrrrrby’s?”

He said “That’s funny- I thought it was McDonalds.”

Funny man, my husband. He knows it’s Subway.

YARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, it’s really hard for me to type today, what with only having one eye. The way we see things on a computer screen, we actually look through what’s being displayed. So this not having depth perception is REALLY playing a number on my ability to type.

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them–yarrgh, er, shat–in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “you don’t lose an eye from that”
Says the pirate, “You do if it’s your first day with a hook for a hand.”

On the plus side, I know what I’m going as for Halloween. A sexy pirate!

Another sexy Halloween costume from yandy.com

Wish I’d had this idea earlier. I have no idea where I’m going to get a Somolian costume this close to Halloween.