Tag Archives: akumal

Stupid Mexico is For Jerks.

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I hate this place.



I’m not just saying that because my wife has expressed jealousy that she’s not here, this whole area is just awful. It’s been the worst week of my life and I want to get out of here. Just look at some of the shit I’ve had to put up with in the last 7 days.



Stupid ocean.





This area’s home to some of the largest coral reefs in the world. I hate it.



Stupid hammock.





Hammocks suck so bad you have a hard time staying awake in them.



Stupid swing chair.





At La Buena Vida, the bar stools are swings and there’s tree houses you can sit in and order drinks by lowering a bucket down on a rope. The food and drinks are super tasty and affordable and the staff is friendly. I hate it.



Pfft.





Building stupid sandcastles on a stupid picturesque beach. Whatever.



Stupid pool.





Hanging out at the pool behind the Casa Del Sol with my friends. Not my idea of fun.



The waterfall's loud.





Hanging out in the backyard of Casa Del Sol, the five bedroom house we’ve been staying at. There’s a pool and waterfall in the backyard and a path leading to a stupid lagoon where you can swim with a bunch of tropical fish or whatever. The Grateful Dead used to stay here or something. I hate it. There’s too many kitchens.



Who has fun drinking?





Drinking with my friend Chris. You can get a decent bottle of rum here for like 7 bucks. Booze has been flowing freely in the house and we’ve had parties almost every night. It sucks.



I can’t wait until this festival’s over. I hate comedy.

Magical Mexican Voyage: Day 6.

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Chatting with Jena earlier today I told her I didn’t know what to blog about. She told me I should talk about what I’m doing in Mexico besides pooping. Honestly I haven’t gone out too much. There have been some parties, one of which had a surprise Mayan dance routine bust out right in the middle of everything –



Sure I was a little disappointed when I found out they weren't strippers but it was a cool show anyway.





But for the most part I’ve been writing and drinking. Not most people’s ideal for a tropical vacation but I could think of worse ways to pass the time.



It hasn’t all just been hunching over a laptop and emptying bottles of rum like some modern day fart joke Bukowski, the organizers for the Akumal Comedy Festival lined up plenty of activities for the comics and with shooting sketches on location there’s been plenty to explore. Here’s a quick rundown of what I’ve been up to –



BUSTIN’ COCONUTS
Remember this guy?



I can eat it!





Trees like that are all over the place down here and I wasn’t sure if they were coconuts because the only coconuts I’ve ever seen were the fuzzy brown bowling balls hanging off the lone tree on the tiny island in comic strips. Turns out in real life they got a big ol’ husk surrounding the bowling ball. I saw some in the back yard of the villa where the organizers and crew are staying and asked my friend and festival organizer Gus Lynch if I could have one. He gave me the go ahead and I set about on my task. Opening a coconut.



I figured Tom Hanks did it in like three days on Castaway so if I beat that time I’m good. I spiked it against the cement patio and while it didn’t bust open, the husk was softer where it hit. I peeled a little back but it was slow going. I was going to need tools. I went to the kitchen and got a paring knife. I was worried I might cut myself hacking away at it so I got the smallest blade possible. When I went back out to stab away and enjoy the sweet coconut the cinematographer for the shoots looked at me holding a knife and coconut and said “careful. I’ve seen four people cut themselves trying to open coconuts before”. I was starting to think it just might be better to go and grab a Mounds bar but I’ve mad my decision. I’m cracking this fucker open and eating it. After ten minutes of hacking away I finally saw the bowling ball. I threw it against the ground and it split open, spraying coconut water everywhere. I don’t know if it was all the effort put in but that coconut was one of the sweetest things I’ve ever eaten. I enjoyed my reward and felt assured that if I get lost in the jungle I can survive indefinitely with nothing but a paring knife.



BURNING THE SHIT OUT OF MY SKIN



I’m bald. When you’re bald you know how important it is to keep your head from burning. A sunburned bald head peels and it looks like you have the worst case of dandruff ever. It’s gross. I’ve taken care to not burn my head this trip but there’s something I forgot. I have skin on the rest of my body, too.



I’m also fat. As a fat guy I usually don’t make it a point to go to the beach or a pool party and when I do I swim with my shirt on. Here in Akumal, though, there are plenty of guys just as fat if not fatter than me running around. I’m not looking to get laid down here so fuck it, time to deal with my man boob embarrassment and just walk around with my shirt off.



Big mistake. My torso hasn’t been exposed to direct sunlight since I was ten years old. After two hours of shooting a sketch on a beach I was glowing red. An hour after that I was dizzy and cold. The pain hasn’t set in yet but I’m just waiting for one of these jackasses I’m staying with to slap me on the back so they can watch me have a seizure. Damn you, Irish ancestors!



Stay tuned this weekend. I’ll be posting bonus blogs full of interviews and pictures!



No pics of my sunburn, though. God already punished me for showing my bitch tits to the world. I’d hate to think what he’d do if I exposed them again.

While the Cat’s Away…

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For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, I took the week off of work to play home-maker and facilitate my child’s education while my husband drinks coronas and tequila with a bunch of 12 year olds posing as comedians in a heated pool on the rooftop of their Mexican villa, all under the guise of doing a “comedy festival.”

 

 

 

 

Jealous? Why would I be jealous? It’s not like I spend the rest of my time working my ass off to support my family so that Bill can go chasing his dream job of stand-up comedian while staying home with my son so he can do online schooling, thus fulfilling *his* dream of spending as many hours on a computer as humanly possible.

Oh wait. It is exactly like that.

But I get to spend more time with my son, who is my world. I mean, unfortunately, he has state testing and school keeping him busy most of the week. And he’s just shy of 12, so every time I go to hug him, he backs away with a horrified look on his face, and I run after him with my arms out-stretched, shouting “don’t look at me like I’m frickin frankenstien. Give your mother a hug!”

 

 

 

 

Well, at least Bill promised to bring me back something. It’ll probably be something kitschy, like a bobble-headed donkey, or an anatomically correct grass doll, or maybe something made out of coconut.

I’m allergic to coconut. Sigh.

 

 

Whatever. I’ve decided to make the most of my time off. My plans for this afternoon include cleaning out and re-arranging the bedroom, going through old papers in the desk, and organizing the bathroom closet.

… the sad part is, I’m kinda looking forward to it.

Akumal Comedy Festival Interview: Portrait of An Artist: The People of The Akumal Comedy Festival: Profile Interview: Director Matt Olson

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As some of you may know I’ll be in Akumal, Mexico all next week for the First Annual Akumal Comedy Festival and youngnotions.com will be the official blog of the festival because nobody else has staked that claim yet! Do you need approval of the festival to be the official blog? Whatever.


As the so far undisputed official blog of the Akumal Comedy Festival, we’ll be interviewing some of the performers and producers that are making this happen and are responding to my emails asking for the interview. I’m excited that our first artist interview will be with director Matt Olson!



Director Matt Olson near a camera either about to direct something or just finished directing something.




Matt Olson cut his teeth in the Minneapolis comedy scene directing for sketch comedy groups The Label and The Other Side Project. After winning the 2008 and 2009 Minneapolis 48 Hour Film Festivals with his shorts “Birthmarked For Death” and “The Grave Review”, Matt moved to Los Angeles. Since then, he’s written and directed an Emmy and Telly award winnning PSA, written a half hour comedy show for FX and is currently developing a web series for MTV. With the experience of directing over 100 live multimedia shows over the years, Matt is coming down to Akumal to not only film the festival but direct several original comedy sketches. The sketches, written and performed by the comedians of the festival, will all be shot in the the few days leading up to the fest. Youngnotions.com sits down with Matt to discuss the unique challenge of producing comedy under tight deadlines.


Bill: Given your experience with the 48 Hour Film Challenge, you’re no stranger to filming sketch comedy under tight time restrictions. For the Akumal Fest you’re going to shoot and edit several short sketches in the matter of a few days. How would you say working under such pressure changes the process? Does it help?

Matt: I think that working under tight time constraints can yield really good stuff. It pushes you to work at the top of your abilities and makes it nearly impossible to second guess your ideas. This helps make the work more honest and instinctual. Of course the good ideas couldn’t come to life or be done justice without a really solid crew. We had around 25 folks working on our first 48 hour and over 40 on the Grave Review. We have a great bunch working the Akumal shoot. Really an accomplished set of filmmakers. One of the added challenges is that there’s only four of us, so pushing that boulder’s going to take a lot effort.

Bill: You’ve only got a few people working with you on the production end this time around while you have over a dozen comedians writing for you. It’s almost a reverse of your 48 experiences with just a few writers and a large production crew. Is that going to change your process much?

Matt: Yes, I think the large amount of talent ensures I’ll be working even harder on the writing/directing side of things.
We want to include everyone who’s into this but because of our limitations it’s going to be hard to feature everyone equally.
We also don’t want to do something that’s just an extended role call. No final episode of Seinfeld for me please.
We’re still going to be pushing to make work that at actually features some character development and has a cinematic look and feel to it.
I think the key to this lies in finding thematic, comedic and ironic connections between a bunch of diverse folks playing heightened versions of themselves.

Ok maybe diverse isn’t the right word. They’re mostly a bunch of white male comedians. With this crew I guess you could find diversity in “beard/no beard” or wimpy and skinny vs. fat hairy.

Bill:Hey, way off topic but do you remember the time we were at the Nomad with Denson and you totally nerded out on that hot waitress?

Matt: Remind me.

Bill: Okay. We were all on the patio and ordered from this waitress. She came back with our drinks really fast, like a minute later. I said “Wow, that was super fast” and she said “I know, I’m just like Flash Gordon!”

Matt: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Bill: So she says “Just like Flash Gordon” and then you respond by saying “Uhhh, I think you mean ‘The Flash'”. You might have said “Uhh, I think you mean DC Comics’ ‘The Flash'” but I can’t remember.

Either way, the waitress scrunched up her face and said something to the effect of “Whatever” and left. Did you get her number after that? I can’t remember. She really seemed into being corrected on comic book trivia. Girls like that stuff.

Matt: She was obviously not my type.

Bill: Maybe you just weren’t specific enough. She probably would’ve hopped on your jock right then and there if you were just more pedantic about it. Follow it up with something like “And even then there aren’t any female Flashes so call yourself ‘Jessie Quick’ next time”.

Matt:Go fuck yourself, Bill.

Bill: Good interview.


If you’d like to see more of Matt Olson, you can find him at a comic book shop on Wednesday (that’s when the new releases come out).

Another Conversation With Jena: The Curse of the Feathered Serpent.

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Here’s part of a conversation Jena and I had on the phone yesterday as I was driving home from Illinois.


ME: Don’t forget Jared has spring break next week.

JENA: I wish I had spring break.

ME: Well hey, you have a whole week off of work this month. That’s just like spring break.

JENA: Yeah, but I’ll have to do all the homemaker stuff. It’s not like I’m going to be in Mexico all week (note: she didn’t provide a hyperlink in our phone conversation. I’m doing this for you, the reader, to add some context. You’re welcome).

ME: Hey! That’s going to be hard work for me.

JENA: You’re doing what, three shows? You get to go scuba diving!

ME: Exactly! While underwater I’m basically acting as an ambassador to the surface world. Our diplomatic relationship with Poseidon’s kingdom is tense as it is. What if I fart down there? First the oil spill and now this? Aquaman will not be happy. There’s also going to be a lot of drinking on a beach, which isn’t as easy as it sounds.

JENA: Uh huh.

ME: I’m probably going to explore a bunch of Mayan Ruins, too. What if I end up knocking over an artifact and invoke the rage of Quetzalcoatl? Now I’ve got the Curse of the Feathered Serpent to deal with. This isn’t going to be easy.

JENA: You know you could use this conversation in the blog, right?

ME: Eh, only if I can’t think of anything funny tomorrow.


"WHO DARES DRUNKENLY URINATING IN THE TEMPLE OF THE FEATHERED SERPENT?!?"