Tag Archives: abortion

They’re Pro-Something Alright…

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You know where the best place to put an anti-abortion message is? On a coat hanger.

There's all that empty space...

Words fail me.

Apparently, Springdale Drycleaners in Cincinnati, Ohio is putting these pro-life messages on their hangers. Their coat hangers. Their wire coat hangers.

“Look, there’s just all that empty space on that paper, and really, if you’re going to hit your target market… besides, every one loves a theme!”

I’m going to ask this, because I think it needs asking, and it obviously hasn’t been asked enough…

“HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE THINK THAT’S A GOOD IDEA?!?!?”

No wait, let me ask this correctly.

“HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE THINK THAT’S A GOOD IDEA FOR OVER 2 YEARS?!?!?”

No really. I haven’t been able to find a single news report on this, only internet rantings, and mostly just pictures with the caption WTF. But the earliest I can find on this is a post to Regretsy in September of 2010.

So somehow, our incredibly liberal media hasn’t picked up on this to trash it. And our conservative media hasn’t picked up on this to applaud it. Or, somehow, ALL our media is too busy pussy-footing around to try to please their followers that reporting on ACTUAL issues is too scary.

They might lose a rating, you know.

Look, I don’t like abortion. I really don’t. I’ve had some friends have abortions over the years as a means of family planning, and every time it happened, I’d get this sick, icky taste in my mouth. It actually makes me feel nauseous.

I don’t like abortion so much that, at the tender age of 20, when I was unexpectedly pregnant, I chose not to have an abortion.

And I chose it because I had that choice. The moment someone has the power to tell me I can’t have an abortion, that’s the moment someone has the power to decide that I *have* to have an abortion. The thing I’ll agree with Libertarians on is that we over-regulate a hell of a lot. To the point of losing certain freedoms. Like control over my own goddamned uterus.

The last thing I need some asshole in Cincinnati trying to control it by shoving his pro-life message up my twat.

Is Keith Ellison a Baby Murdering, Christian Mutilating Freedom Hater?

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Of course he isn’t. Congressman Ellison is a freedom loving man who has never murdered a single baby and wouldn’t harm a hair on a Christian’s head. Nobody would make such wild accusations against a congressman. If they did, they’d have to be totally bananers.



Oh, wait.


[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlfeUZr3OOc&w=560&h=315]
would you trust a man who swore his oath on a book once owned by Thomas Jefferson?



Meet Gary Boisclair. Gary is running against Keith Ellison for a congressional seat in Minnesota’s 5th district. Gary will lose because Gary’s crazy. If that ad wasn’t enough for you, he did another one about abortions (click here for the ad. The embed code isn’t working for this which is okay since it’s super gross and chock-full-o’-fetuses. I don’t want all those fetii clogging up my blog).



For more information about how Gary’s batshit insane, let’s look at his website, garyinthehouse.com –



Do you think he flirted with the idea of making the domain “garyinDAhouse.com”? I’d like to think he did.




1. Boom. First image on the headline banner? Most candidates would go with a picture of themselves or their family or their campaign logo. Not Gary. Fetus in yo’ face! Ellison kills these! And probably eats them on Ramadan or something! Sharia Law!

2. That “click here to learn more” link? Click it and it takes you to a two page diatribe written by lunatic Randall Terry about how The economy sucks because God’s punishing us for abortions. Really.



Randall Terry screaming at gay people with a megaphone.




3. Oh hey look how all his press releases and news links are only about how awful his ads are and how TV Stations are only running them because they’re legally required to.



I really take comfort in the fact that this guy has no chance of winning. His brand of Islamophobic fetus fetishism might fly in Bachmann’s neck of the woods but Minnesota’s fifth district consists of Minneapolis and a couple of immediate suburbs. Who would even help bankroll this guy’s awful ads?



Come to think of it, I would. I would donate to this guy’s campaign.



Think about it. It’s well established that Boisclair has absolutely no chance of winning. The man’s clearly insane, he’s running as a “tea party Democrat” which just confuses people and he’s spouting anti-Muslim rhetoric in a district that houses 80% of the state’s Muslim population.



Now that we’ve made it clear that there’s no way this guy would win, wouldn’t you want to donate to his campaign just to see the crazy ads he’d make between now and election day?



Think about it. If the christian killing and dead fetus parade ads were just the first two and political ads get more heated and inflammatory the closer it gets to election, where would he go from here? I kind of want to donate just to see if he can make one of Ellison hitting a pregnant woman in the stomach with a Koran or photoshop him in a cave with Osama Bin Laden eating babies or something. I kind of want to see just how far this nutjub will go.



Kind of. I’m not actually going to give him any of my money. Guy’s a goddamn loon.

ABORTION! ABORTION! ABORTION!

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Abortion.


People supposedly don’t like talking about abortion. Even in the movie “Knocked Up” they work around saying the word by saying rhymes with shmashmortion.



This makes sense. It’s a very sensitive topic. A topic that many people have radically different views upon (my personal view is that I’m a guy and I’ve had a vasectomy so I’ll just keep my opinions to myself). A undoubtedly heavy subject that, when debated, should be handled with tact and respect.



That is, of course, unless you’re a republican politician. Then it’s your duty to turn the debate into the loudest, gaudiest circus freakshow possible.


The craziness probably started way before this but I first took notice a couple of weeks ago when the news was when lawmakers in Virginia tried passing a bill transvaginal ultrasounds on women who try to get abortions. I’m pretty sure the only reason these lawmakers want to stick a wand all up in a girl who is making the hardest decision of her life is just to add more humiliation to the procedure because that’s the name of the game. If you can’t forcefully keep a woman from getting an abortion you shame her out of it.



The bill was met with fierce opposition andultimately didn’t pass (a similar bill requiring less invasive but just as unnecessary plain ol’ ultrasounds passed) but Republicans , in spite of their hatred of arts funding, are a creative lot. Just this week, Arizona State Rep. Terri Proud emailed a constituent about how she’d like to require women to watch an abortion before having one.



Her reasoning is some bullshit about how women are uninformed about such a dangerous procedure blah blah blah. The real effect here is the added shame of realizing that if you want an abortion, you’re probably gonna have a room full of people staring at you while it happens. It’s unnecessary, embarrassing and just another hoop for women to jump through.


Now I’m well aware that most of my readers are state level republican politicians so if you’re looking to introduce some wacky abortion bills to proverbially stone women with here’s some jumping off points for you guys, free of charge (you can certainly name the bill after me if you’d like. “Bill’s bill” has a nice ring to it) –


* To prove you’re not ready for parenthood every abortion provider must give prospective patients an egg to take care of for a week as if it were a child. If they come back to the clinic and the egg has broken, they can follow through with the procedure.

* Any woman receiving an abortion is given a two year subscription to Disney Movie Club paid for by her insurance (thanks, Obamacare!). The name on the address will read “your child would have loved this one”.

* Any woman receiving an abortion has to “pay it forward” and perform the procedure on another woman so she can experience the guilt and pain the doctors go through.

* After an abortion the woman is required, by law, to gain 30 pounds and then lose it really quickly so she has stretch marks anyway.


For more information about how abortion is evil, consult your local Rick Santorum.