Chicago isn’t really a safe town. It has a history of gangs and violence and mafia and ghettos… and now we can add another danger to the list: poop-filled socks.
A 21 year old college student was seated on the train, texting, when this guy throws a sock full of poop at her. She tried to confront him, but he took off at a fast speed and she couldn’t really follow because she had a face full of fecal matter.
Possibly this guy’s fecal matter:
She didn’t know this guy, she didn’t provoke him. No one knows of any reason why he would have attacked her.
I think it’s obvious.
What? You need me to Sherlock Holmes this one for you? Do a little Dan Brown (which is also what Dan Brown called it when he takes a shit)?
Well, alright. Let’s look at the facts.
- Chicago is known for their gangs.
- Since I’m white and this suspect is black, I have to assume he’s part of a gang. Hey- don’t look at me like that. I’m not the person who makes up the racism rules. I just follow them.
- Gang members are getting classier, putting their names and logos on things. Any idiot can open a CafePress store now and have fancy swag and logos on hoodies. I mean, we did. PS- YoungNotions is now a gang.
Let’s take a look at that picture again:
And there it is. P.P. with little spattery marks surrounding it. Which obviously stands for Poop Posse. This urban youth is a part of a mysterious underground (hopefully in the sewers) gang that throws poop at people.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go accept a detective job on the Chicago police force. If I’m lucky, I’ll get partnered with a young, adorable sidekick whose optimism and spirit keep me going when I’m hardened by years of working against Chicago’s seedy underbelly.