I’ve recently been working with Six Elements Theater on their upcoming production of Zastrozzi.

I hate film trailers for live theater. It always comes across awkward to me. It’s like taking a picture of a painting and telling people to come to the art gallery. There’s just so much you’re missing, and what you get is so misrepresented. Trying to capture live theater on camera… It always feels so melodramatic to me.

Yeah… just a bit. But the play itself is so goddamned good. It’s evil and sex and murder and some incredible stage combat. I’ve seen the rehearsals. It’s pretty frigging amazing.

I got called in as a weapons specialist. The weapon, you ask? Feminine wiles.

It started off as a bit of a joke. One of the actresses and I were playing with a specific scene, and I suggested a movement to help make everything sexy dangerous. The director wanted me involved for my skills in movement and playing seductive. And we came up with that fantastic title for my theater resume.

I’m incredibly excited to pair it up with this headshot:

It’s not the sword that you should be worried about…

Turns out, feminine wiles is a very real and dangerous weapon.

Let’s start with the murder attempt that keeps YoungNotions at the “adult” level of entertainment. A woman from Brazil tried to kill her husband by putting poison on her cooter and convincing him to go down on her.  He said that it almost worked, too. But when he was there, he thought something smelled fishy.

Not that fishy. The other fishy. Gross.

Sensing something not right, he brought her to the hospital and told staff there about the strange odor. They ran some tests, and found traces of poison.

I have a vilification tennis insult that goes “The last man to eat you out died of food poisoning.” I never thought someone would take that as a suggestion.

That’s not the only attempt on a mans life with lady bit this month. A couple weeks ago a woman actually smothered her boyfriend to death with her boobs. They had been drinking and fighting, and apparently she just climbed on top of him and buried his face in her heaving bosom.

She had a chest that could take your breath away.