I just found out that I’ll be doing a couple of shows in Thunder Bay, Ontario next month. In the 11 years I’ve been doing this jokey thing I’ve never left the country and now I’m gonna hit two foreign lands in three months. Maybe this will be the start of a new trend for me. Hopefully I’ll be big in central European countries that are known for their chocolate.



Any Belgian club owners can contact me at bill@youngnotions.com for booking info.



While going to Mexico was a bit of a culture shock for me Canada should be a walk in the park. I went to Thunder bay one time in high school and as a Minnesotan I’m pretty much almost Canadian anyway. In fact, a couple of years ago my friend Mike Brody (who just released a comedy album through Rooftop Records. CLICK HERE TO BUY IT, YA JERKS) traveled to Canada for shows. Since he had never been to the country before, I sent him this email to help him along on his international journey.




Greetings, old friend. I understand that this is your first time in Canada. Visiting a foreign land can be strange and confusing so, as somebody who went to Thunder Bay on a family camping trip once when he was 17, I think I can tell you all you need to know to get by in our northerly neighbor of Canadia.



1. Eskimos: Don’t call them Eskimos. You’re going to see a lot of dark skinned men in parkas holding a spear that has a fish on the end of it. You will see these men and women living in igloos and using dogsleds as their primary means of transportation. DO NOT CALL THEM ESKIMOS. They’re Inuit. Calling them Eskimos is like calling black people the “n” word in the real world.



2. Poutine: You’ve had poutine at the HOC but Rick may not have told you that due to FDA regulations, what you’ve had was a watered down, diluted poutine solution. Much like absinthe or black metal, poutine is much stronger in foreign countries. Stay away from it. It will kill you.



3. Mounties: Don’t make fun of them. They’re not like the Canadian version of those Buckingham Palace guards who can’t move. They will throw down.

Seriously. This pic was from the wikipedia page for "Mounties". They'll fuck your shit up.