If you’re anything like me you’re probably tired as shit right now because you drove your sister to the airport at 4-in-the-fucking-A-M and you don’t want to write a blog. You don’t want to do anything but watch some awful music videos that were somehow popular 11-15 years ago. Let’s do that together.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg?rel=0&w=420&h=315]

This whole obsession with awful music videos started with Brody showing me this one. This video is like a five minute argument against everything “Gen-X”. The band rolling their eyes through the performance like they’d rather be somewhere else. The stupid imagery of how suburban life is all fake and hollow. There’s seriously a Barbie burning on a grill. The awful stretchy-face computer graphics. Speaking of awful computer graphics-

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSCfIVa9Shs?rel=0&w=420&h=315]

This is just lazy writing and directing. If the director had listened to the entire song and wanted to do a faithful adaptation, the video would have been about the singer of Del Amitri spending all night trying to convince some girl to cheat on her boyfriend. Instead, the director heard the first line of the song and noted that it contained the words “pretty” and “baby”. This visionary director then decided the video should be pretty women pushing around the band as babies around in strollers. I had to learn this song for a monthly comedy show I did for a few years ago and watched the video multiple times to memorize the song. Too many times. I still have the occasional nightmare of a Del Amitri headed baby trying to seduce me.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG9C0VwruXE?rel=0&w=420&h=315]

The video for this isn’t particularly awful, it’s just the douchiest fucking song on the planet. The way Shawn Mullins breathes the verses into the mic you can almost feel him uncomfortably close behind you, whispering into your ear as hot gin vapors hit the back of your neck. He grabs your shoulders tight as he grunts out shit that must sound so poetic in his mind like “She’s seen her share of devils in this… ANGEL town” and “Everybody’s got a plan. It’s kind of like Nashville… with a tan.” As a joke I spent a week answering the phone by singing the chorous of this song. That was two years ago and nobody has called me since.

What’s your (least)favorite shitty ’90s music video? Leave a comment and let’s all share the shame that was Alternative music a decade ago!