Did you know that before I was a full time stay at home mom / unpaid blogger / sometimes comedian I was a sometimes comedian that worked in low level corporate jobs? It’s true! I still own a few pairs of khakis!
One of the jobs I worked at was as a glorified receptionist at a large insurance company. I answered calls, entered data, shuffled papers and sorted mail. It was when I worked at this job that I made this little blog ditty for MySpace so sit back and enjoy some honest to goodness Dilbert-style office humor!
I remember sitting in class after class in high school thinking “This doesn’t apply to me. I will never use this knowledge in the real world. I’m not going to grow up to be a historian/chemist/algebrarian/professional dodgeball player. Why do I have to sit here and learn shit that I’ll never apply?”
Looking back, I now realize that by forcing us to learn stupid, usless, inapplicable things that school was truly preparing my generation for the real world. A world where most of us would end up in low level corporate jobs sitting through two hour long meetings learning things that have absolutely nothing to do with our jobs.
My public education experience really came in handy today when I had to sit through two hours of fraud training. I’ve never committed fraud. I never will. I’m not in a position where the opportunity for fraud is available and if it were, I wouldn’t know how to go about committing it. The company knows this but one time a guy committed fraud and now we all have to suffer.
No biggie. I can take it. I took advanced algebra and if faking it in high school taught me one thing (and it did only teach me one thing) it’s to take a lot of notes so you look like you’re paying attention. Here’s a scan of the notes I took.
Only practicing good business ethics can save us from Fraud-Bot!
*CSI: Corporate Security Investigator. The people that investigate fraud in the company
**Rocket Skateboard: Like a skateboard but with rockets instead of wheels. Allows flight.
Moral of the story: I probably should have stayed in college. I’ll bet chemists or algebrarians don’t have to sit through yearly fraud training.
p.s. In my perfect world, every robot has antennae on the top of their heads with a small stream of electricity constantly flowing between them. It’s just how it should be.