Just so you all don’t get confused- No, I’m not Bill. I’m Jena, his wife AKA Sugar Mama. The Provider.

It was over 6 months ago that I turned to my husband and said “how would you like to not work, to focus on your comedy career, and at the same time, be the homemaker so Jared (my son) can stay at home and do online schooling?”

And he said “Yes, please.”

So here I am writing a blog post while he and the boy are on a field trip to the science museum to play mini-golf. No, I don’t get it either. Maybe there will be geometry. Which isn’t science, but it’s closer than, say, a field trip to Chuck E. Cheese.

The Chuck E Cheese band sings the ABCs. Who says animatronic bands are creepy?

In order to have Bill play mini-golf with my son FOR SCIENCE!, we had to make many financial cut backs. The hardest of these was quitting smoking. Both Bill and I quit, and I miss it every day. I miss it so much, I have even had dreams where I’m smoking.

To dream the impossible dream.

People talk about what they would do if they won the lottery. If I won the lottery, the first thing I would do is buy a pack of cigarettes. Not Winstons, not even American Spirits. I would get a pack of Nat Shermans, and I would light up right then and there, and the clerk would say “I’m sorry, Ma’am, you can’t smoke those in here” and I would say “Wanna bet? I’m rich and I will make up the rules that best benefit me because that’s what it means to have the power of money” and then I would laugh manically, which would devolve into a smoker’s cough.

Yeah. I miss smoking.