After responding to the sex blogger ad from craigslist I thought I’d make it a weekly thing to seek out and respond to craigslist creative job postings because

1. It’s really fun.
2. Craigslist has no shortage of awful “creative” job postings.

This week’s job posting is found in the “TV/Film/Video/Radio” section.

Casting: People With Animalistic Behaviors

Nothing is too bizarre. Some stories we have explored are: a man who altered himself to look like a lizard, a man living in a dog house, a woman who eats cat food.

www.myprimalbehavior.com

Here’s the email I sent to them.

I saw your ad asking for people who display “animalistic behaviors” and I think I may be doing just that. I think I’m becoming a cat. Let me explain.

I think this has been slowly building up for years but I’ve just put the pieces together recently. I’ve always been a cat lover but haven’t been able to keep any recently because I’ve developed an allergy in adulthood. Even though I don’t own cats, I have a bunch of cat toys. I buy new laser pointers almost every week and have an extensive collection of stuffed mice on strings. I even have a “stash” of catnip that I huff when nobody’s around. I know it doesn’t do anything physically but it calms me.

I’ve kept these things from my family but some behaviors are a little harder to hide. I’ve always enjoyed when my wife scratches behind my ear and anytime I’m laying down and she runs her hand down my back I involuntarily thrust my butt up in the air. This stuff has been easily explained away as weird physical ticks and even I didn’t think this was all “cat like”. Maybe I was just in denial but I couldn’t deny what happened last month.

My wife was out of town for the weekend and I was home all alone. I started to feel isolated, trapped. I felt she abandoned me and my resentment grew so much that I pooped on her pillow. I felt ashamed about what I did but I didn’t clean it up. When she got home she was shocked and all I could say was “Maybe now you’ll think twice before leaving me!”

I felt bad about what I did, though so I killed a bird with a BB gun and gave it to her as a gift.

My wife, having figured out what has been going on all these years (I even showed her my secret catnip stash), has been very supportive of my condition. She runs the can opener when dinner is ready and if I have my feet up on the coffee table she’ll spray me with a water bottle.

Let me know my story would be a good fit for your show!

I’ll keep you updated if there’s any replies. If you see any shitty job postings you’d like me to apply for, please leave a comment or email the link to bill@youngnotions.com !