Yesterday I was looking through the “talent” section of Craigslist job ads hoping to find an ad to send a fake reply to as I have done many times before. It’s become increasingly difficult, however, to find a job ad posting that isn’t for strippers, webcam girls or just plain’ ol’ hookers. While I am poor and would sell my dignity in a second there’s nobody buying what I’m selling. Could be that my prices are too high ($5,000 you get to see my butt. $10,000 you get to see a ball).
Trying to sift through all the requests to have hot young women sit on cakes on a webcam or whatever, I saw several creepy ads looking for an “assistant”. These were all posted on the same day within about 4 hours of each other. Here they are in order from earliest to latest –
Posted: 2013-01-29, 9:52AM CST
great pay for right female
My assistant of two years has moved to Florida so I need to fill her position asap. Your part would include, going to dinner, shopping, back rubs, looking sexy, teasing me. In return you could expect exceptional compensation. You must be very comfortable with your body and like to flaunt it. Must be very flirty and friendly. I am picky. I am a business owner in the Twin Cities and do not have time for a full blown relationship. This could turn into a full time gig for the right person. If interested you must send 3 pics of yourself and a brief descrip of why you think you would be agood fit. If you get my attention, I will email you back. Thanks!
Okay. Kinda creepy. Basically this guy wants to pay a girl to… be his flirty go-go masseuse?
Posted: 2013-01-29, 11:59AM CST
REAL DEAL! (Uptown)
You may be looking for a real gig that will help you financially! Most of the ads are unreal, and have nothing to pay. How about something real, lasting, and beneficial? Looking for a girl who is interested in an alternative arrangement that can help her financially! If interested, send a pic and let’s chat further.
Okay I don’t know if this one is from the same guy. It’s got the same feel as the other ads but it feels like it was written by a Ukranian spambot that just learned english.
Posted: 2013-01-29, 12:07PM CST
$omething Different, $omething Fun (Minneapolis)
Sometimes as a man gets older and he becomes more successful he finds that he has more opportunities to get what he wants. And sometimes a successful man would prefer an arrangement over the dating games or a traditional relationship. If you are fun, young, attractive female who likes to party and go out and have fun, then this is for you. If you would prefer a guy to take you out, spoil you, take you shopping, and just have fun than you would to a traditional relationship, then this is for you. I am an attractive white male, early 30’s, with pics to share. If you are interested in something different, fun, and unique, write me back and tell me about yourself, send me a few pics and I will reply back and do the same. Why not get what you want for once right?
Sometimes as a man gets older and he becomes more successful he finds that he can’t form an emotional bond with anybody so he pays girls to pretend to like him. Also, what’s with the dollar sign “S” in the title? You imply that the applicant will get paid because you posted this in “jobs”. The fact that you’re paying is not a selling point.
Posted: 2013-01-29, 12:16PM CST
Fun Personal Assistant Wanted (Minneapolis)
Are you young, sexy, like to meet new people, like to drink be wild and have fun, and make money while you are doing it? Successful, white, attractive businessman, early 30’s, is looking for a personal assistant to help with various services from entertaining, errands, to modeling and cleaning in a french maids outfit. This can be as fun and sexy as u want to make it. If you have always wanted to try something different you should at least give it a shot and find out, u never know, it could be alot of fun. If you are interested reply back with some pictures of you as well as any information about yourself and what you are looking for and I will get back to you with more details. Thanks.
Hold up! This is the first ad he’s actually listed any non-creepy or overtly sexual work in the ads. “Errands”? I thought he was just looking for a 40 hour a week slut but it seems he wants his personal stripper to be able to go out and get his dry cleaning every once in a while. That’s how they trick you. You start the job thinking it’s going to be easy. Some back rubs and parading around in a french maid’s outfit but eventually he’s going to want you to put on that french maid’s outfit and actually clean some shit.
Posted: 2013-01-29, 1:38PM CST
50 Shades of Fun (Minneapolis)
Successful, white, attractive businessman, early 30’s, looking to hire an attractive white female for various services and activities. If you are interested please reply back with a few pictures and a description about yourself and why you responded and what you are looking for. I will get back to you with pictures of me and more details and we can go from there. I’m sure you can figure out how this works 🙂
“Various Activities”, the “50 shades” reference. I’m sure you can figure out how this works 🙂 The last ad was the least descriptive yet somehow the creepiest.
So there you go, ladies! If you’ve ever thought of sexual harassment as a full time job, just click on any of the blue links above and a humiliating future awaits!