I have CONvergence on the brain.

I’ve got my sleeping situation figured out, I’ve decided on a schedule that I will promptly throw out once I get there, and I’m deciding which booze to bring.

Many of you know that for the past few years, I’ve run the Stand Up! Records party room. I am not this year. Stand Up! Records and I are not having a fight or anything like that… no drama. But when all of us at Fearless were talking about starting up Fearless, I knew we were going to want a party room, and that I was the best person to get that going.

Go to the Stand Up! Records room in their regular spot at 128. They will still have their signature acts and booze. So much booze.

Fearless room party at 224 will also have booze. And some other fun stuff I’m not going to tell you about yet. But I promise- you will want to stop by. And often.

Look, the point is- booze.

Last year, I spent all of CONvergence drunk. I went to bed drunk, I woke up drunk, my many SUR minions kept me in the booze. I sobered up when I left to perform a wedding. And then, when I got back to CON, the first thing that happened was that I was handed a wine skin with wine in it. And I drank that wine. And then everything else besides.

It’s like 4am on Sunday last year, and I had been drunk damn near the whole weekend starting Thursday. I helped a friend with a bottle of tequila, and Matt comes by with what I think was a Dr. Fixit, so of course I drink that as well. It was Matt’s first time experiencing CON full on, and we ended up in CONsuite, looking out from the balcony, watching the nerds do their nerd things, and having a conversation about what CON was.

It looked a lot like this:

And in my drunken stupor, I waxed philosophical.

I made a very elegant speech about how beautiful it was that these super nerds could all get together in one spot and be honest about their nerd in a non-judgmental place. That they didn’t have to have the best cosplay costume, but that the people here valued the love and effort put into it. That we were surrounded by people being true to who they were, and experiencing unbridled fandom in its purest form. And isn’t that glorious?

I got a standing ovation. People threw flowers. I won and Oscar for it. I then made the best thank you speech based of of the speech I made, and won an Oscar off of that.

And then I wen to my room and passed out. Because much like the people around me, I had just spent the past weekend celebrating the thing I nerd out over the most- that has my heart, that is a true passion of mine, that I enjoy honestly and unabashedly.

Booze. Glorious, glorious booze.

It came a little late this year but summer is starting to rear it’s ugly, mosquito ridden head in Minnesota. Temperatures are starting to rise and the humidity is increasing, things that make life miserable if you’re fat and hairy like me. If you’re also painfully poor like me, you probably don’t have central AC in your home and the one window unit you have is so old and shitty it doesn’t do anything except drive up your electric bill-

In fact, a lot of summertime cool-down activities may be out of your financial reach. Air conditioned movie theater? Maybe a matinee if you find some change in the couch cushion. Water park? Doubtful. Here’s a few things you can do to beat the heat if you’re on a shoestring budget.



COLD SHOWERS
They’re not just for relieving sexual frustration anymore! Cold showers are a great way to cool off on a hot day. If you’re renting, chances are you’re not paying for water. Since this is America, water is an unlimited resource that will never run out. Take three cold showers a day and try not to think about Africa!



FREEZE POPS




Freezies, freeze pops, fla-vor-ice, stickless popsicles, bag-of-frozen-corn-syrup. Whatever you call these things there’s two undeniable truths: The blue ones are the best and they’re cheap as hell. You can get a bag of 50 of these for just a few bucks or if you’re really looking to splurge, some gas stations have the giant ones for 50 cents.



GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE AND PRETENDING TO SHOP FOR FROZEN FOOD
Chances are if you’re going to the grocery store you’re only there to pick up beans, bread or ramen but that can’t stop you from going to a frozen food aisle. There is no law preventing you from opening a freezer door and pretending like you’re going to get something but can’t decide what. You can spend all the time you want debating whether you want frozen corn or frozen peas before leaving with neither of them. Put one of them on your head for a little bit, it feels wonderful on a hot day. Who’s going to say something? Would you confront the crazy person at the store putting frozen veggies on their head? Go ahead and walk around the store with frozen peas on your head while you do the remainder of your shopping and then just put them back when you’re done. Nobody fucks with the guy with peas on his head.



SELLING YOUR SOUL
When you make a pact with a demon they plunge their claws into your heart and rip out the essence of what makes you unique and loved. The emptiness that is left inside of you feels like a cold, unfillable void that chills your core no matter what the temperature. Plus you can sell your soul for a decent air conditioner or something.



Stay cool out there!

If you have the capabilities, watch this:

Look! I’m in a trailer!

I’m in a show called Human Combat Chess with Six Elements Theatre. If you’ve ever been to a Ren Faire, you may have seen this. A giant chess board with people used as pieces. When two pieces are on the same square, instead of the new piece taking the square automatically, the two people fight for the square.

Six Elements has take the concept and modernized it. In this show, I’m part of a Human Combat Chess team (GO CORSAIRS) in a Human Combat Chess sporting league, playing for the title of regional champion. It’s a super fun and intense show. We open tonight, and I highly recommend it.

In honor of our opening show tonight, your Fuck Off Friday includes chess games. There are a great number of chess games on the internet. I want to highlight a couple of the… fightier ones. Cause fighting!

First, there’s Ultimate Chess, which makes it sound way more badass than it really is. But it’s still a fun little game, with cartoon characters that kill each other in adorable ways. Fighting doesn’t determine who controls the square, so it plays just like normal chess. But the cartoons are pretty cute, with adorable blood splatters.

There’s spy chess, where you only have a few pieces, but there are items on the board that change play. And yes, the two pieces on a square fight, but the attacker always wins.

But what I really recommend if you can is downloading this Archon emulator from way back in the day. I remember playing this game on the Commodore 64, and loving the change of the game depending on who won. It really messes with your strategy.

So go play some games, and then come out to Human Combat Chess tonight at 8pm at University Baptist Church. Because you’ve always wanted to see these games come to life. And now you can.

As some of you know, I hit my head a few weeks ago. Hard. Enough to where I should have gone to the doctor, but didn’t, because being an at home, free-lance actor and computer person means not having health insurance.

Also, it really didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. I mean, sure. I spaced out for about an hour afterward. But then I was fine. A little dazed, sure. But that’s to be expected. I wasn’t exhibiting any signs of concussion… no dilated pupils, ability to focus, complete sentences and the like. I ran a rehearsal after I hit my head, and we got everything done, and done well.  Although I was WAY more chill than normal.

My cast probably appreciated it.

It really didn’t seem like such a big deal, especially because of how I got hurt in the first place.

Our dining room table is a gorgeous old oak table I inherited from my Great-Grandmother via some second cousins. I’ve had it since Jared was born, and I hope to be able to pass it on to him some day. The table has two leaves that you can expand the table with. Well, these leaves were out and leaned against a bookshelf. Bill had left a laundry basket in front of them, and when I leaned over to pick it up, the basket bumped against the leaves, and I got hit by the corner of two solid oak table leaves.

I told you it was silly.

But, as it turns out, the head injury was a bit more than just a small cut and goose egg bump.

I spent about two weeks just kind of in a very unmotivated place. I slept a lot, was having problem getting myself to do simple tasks. It was like a depression, only without that brooding thought process I normally experience with a bout.

I should back up and tell you all about my brain. You see, I’m a certifiable genius. All sorts of fast processes and logic connections and puzzles happening in my brain all the time. To go to bed, I relax with a game of sudoku.

But like what happens with most people with over-active brains, I also have mood disorders. I’ve been diagnosed with a variety of things over the years, from compulsive lying, to schizo-affective disorder, to borderline personality…. but those were all cast aside as soon as a therapist had a new term to play with. Like dress up with new Barbie clothes.

Bitter? Why would I be bitter about that?

After years of in and out therapy, I found a therapist to actually listen to me and ask me the right questions. It turns out I just had a really shitty childhood and a few brain quirks, resulting in a nice case of cyclothymia (less extreme bipolar) with a huge heaping side of anxiety.

Seriously. If what a therapist is telling you doesn’t seem right, go find another one. I mean it.

I tell you this for a couple reasons. 1) I really think everyone should go get their head checked by a professional once a year. You have yearly physicals, why not yearly mentals? 2) Talking about it is a part of my on-going crusade to de-stigmatize brain issues. So many awesome people I know with mood disorders, but the moment you tell someone you have one, you’re somehow “less than.” Bullshit.

3) Since I got hit on the head, my anxiety is practically gone.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had a wide variety of typically anxiety inducing issues, and have suffered little more than a twitch in the anxiety department. From rush to fiscal to emotional upsets, everything that typically brought me to tears is now suddenly manageable.

I have been cured by a ridiculous hit to the head, which can mean only one thing: I am a cartoon.

Now, could someone get me a rubber mallet and a falling piano?

Did you guys know that Bill and I do more comedy than just this website? It’s true! Sometimes, we each do our own thing- stand up, storytelling, etc. And sometimes we do shows together.

Bill and I produce, direct, host, and perform in a recurring sketch show series called Young and Fearless. We co-produce it with Fearless Comedy Productions. They handle the administrative bullshit, and we make a show.

I really hate administrative bullshit, so it works out really well for me.

There are a couple of important things to know about sketch comedy in the Twin Cities. First off, in this theater town of stand ups, improvisers, and thespians, there is precious little sketch. There’s Brave New Workshop, and then there’s a few other sketch groups that do sketch every few months or so (look, when you’re the famous folk troubadour duo Denson and Young, you have to space it out for your fan’s sake. There’s only so much awesome a person can take). But that’s it. For a metro area that prides itself on its theater, we are sadly lacking in sketch.

The other important thing to know about sketch is that no one in this town seems to know what it is.

The way Young and Fearless works is we take sketch submissions from comedians, performers, and… well, anyone. Bill and I (mostly Bill) sift through the submissions to see which are the funniest, which ones best fit the theme, and mostly, which ones are even sketches. We’ve gotten a lot of submissions that are short plays. Scenes that are complex, that have exposition, that have layers . We get submissions that are mostly long monologues, or stories, or even stand up material. But we get very little in the way of actual sketch comedy.

And honestly, that’s a huge part of why YoungNotions and Fearless Comedy Productions decided to start a sketch show. Because we want to help.

We don’t just take submissions and accept or deny them as is. What we do is look them over for places to improve. If we get a story, can it be turned into a sketch? Are there spots that have too much exposition? Can we cut these three inter-weaving concepts down to one?

And I have to be clear here- we do not try to take other sketches and make them fit the YoungNotions or Young and Fearless brand. Bill has a very cartoony way of writing sketch that appeals to a wide variety of people. But we don’t want all our sketch to be cartoony. We want each writer to have their own voice in our show.

Last Friday, we had sketches from 7 very different backgrounds and styles. Some were light and 2 dimensional fluffy. Some were dark Tarantino-ish humor. Some were slow and patient… some were quick and on top of each other. Some writers were seasoned sketch writers. And for many, it was their first time writing a sketch.

It creates a show with variety and dimension that just tickles me. Each audience member has their favorites- ones they connected to better than others. All of them different ones. I can’t tell you how much I LOVE that about our show.

But it doesn’t stop there.

Because there is so little sketch in the Twin Cities, there’s also very little opportunity to perform it. So we cultivate new performers, work with people who have never seen the inside of a two-dimensional show (well, not one that was supposed to be, anyway). People trained to be focused on the deeper meaning, to play various levels at the same time, to tone down their intensity and be real.

We tell them to scrap all that. We want impressionism. We want Monet to drama’s realistic Michelangelo. We want the outline and not the gritty details. And we want their intensity, their one-sided characterizations.

Our last show had a variety of performers from a variety of backgrounds. Some with over 10 years of sketch, some with none. Some who have studied in NYC, some who have a drama background.

One of my players hadn’t been on a stage in over 5 years.

We worked various angles, found the best characterizations, and played to each performer’s strengths. The audience had no idea who the seasoned vets were, or who the newbies might be. All they knew was that we were a cohesive cast providing many and varied laughs.

I mean, isn’t that the point?

So, I say to you, Twin Cities… would you like to learn the art of Sketch? Would you like to have your works performed? Would you like permission to perform a one-sided character?

The next Young and Fearless show will take place at the end of August. It’s “A night at a Restaurant,” and we are looking for sketches that fit a restaurant theme. Though we have a pretty solid group of performers, we are always willing to consider more players. Any interest in performing or sketch submissions should be mailed to YoungFearless@fearlesscomedyproductions.com by June 22nd.

We look forward to hearing from you.

We interrupt this blog post to bring you this important news: Young and Fearless: A Day at the Park is playing at Bryant-Lake Bowl TONIGHT at 10pm, co-produced by YoungNotions and Fearless Comedy Productions. There will be sketch and stand up comedy. If you like to laugh, you should be there. Tonight, 10pm, Bryant-Lake Bowl. We now return you to your regularly scheduled YoungNotions post.

Last year for Christmas, Jared and I made dry fruit jars for my family. Layers of dried fruit in a jar. I had thought about doing those Cookie Ingredients in a Jar, where you layer flour, brown sugar, chocolate chips, etc into a jar in a visually pleasing manner.

It’s like sand art for adults, only with the excuse of being “productive.”

But here at YoungNotions, we’re all about not being productive. Especially on Fuck Off Friday, where you’re supposed to get past those last few hours of work until your precious weekend as painlessly as possible.

Lucky for you, the internet has a solution. Falling sand games. All of them are the same principle, with little pixels of color falling from the top of a box, and you’re provided some tools and options for interacting with those pixels. Let’s take a look:

This is what I think of as the original falling sand game. Three types of “sand,” no extra tools- just the ability to draw lines for walls with your pointer, and a spinny disk to randomly destroy said walls. Like a katamari, it get’s bigger the more sand it rolls up. This is beginner level sand play.

This is the next level: you get 4 streams of sand, all with different properties, a little spinny disk, and more tools. I’m a huge fan of the plant tool to create, and the fire tool to destroy.

This one, from bored.com, is another basic game, only without the spinny disk. You can also change fall speeds and grain sizes.

Do you know what this game’s been missing? Little people to torment.

This one has to be my favorite. Dan Ball put together an applet that just does it all. You can add little guys, balls, bubbles, plants, wheels, and all sorts of explody stuff.

I really like the explody stuff.

Several years ago I was at a drive-in theater with a friend and his future wife playing third wheel. At one point my friend was out getting drinks or something and his then-girlfriend started choking on some gummy bears. I promptly gave her the Heimlich and the gummies shot from her mouth. She said “Holy shit, Bill! You saved my life! How can I thank you?”



I made a very eloquent speech about how firefighters and teachers are the real heroes and then told her and her now-husband that if they wanted to thank me that they just need to name their firstborn child after me.



They thought I was joking. I wasn’t. They’ve had two children since then, one girl who I’m lucky to be the godfather of and one great little boy. Neither of them are named Bill (You can totally name a girl Billie!).



It’s okay. Thinking of it, it was silly to ask that of someone but I’m worried I’ll never be able to pass my name on. I can’t have children ever since my Vas Deferens were lasered off in the Secret Alien War and I’m years away from discovering the formula for the perfect poop joke. Having something live on in my name is a chance to have a real legacy which is why when a local comedian posted on facebook that she was looking for suggestions on what to name her Dog I suggested that Bill Young would be a great name for a dog.



Other people have weighed in and it looks like Bill Young is neck-and-neck with some bullshit name like Roscoe or something but you can help!



If you are facebook friends with Kait you can leave a comment on the thread here saying that Bill Young would be a great name for a dog.



Not facebook friends with her? That’s fine! I shared the photo of the dog on my facebook page(scroll down a li’l bit until you see the pic of the puppy) and tagged her so you can comment there and she’ll see it.



Now, she never said this was a democratic process but I’m hoping that we can overwhelm her with public opinion and she’ll name her dog Bill Young.



My name will live on and finally when somebody farts in a room they can blame it on Bill Young and not be talking about me.