Author Archives: Bill

Seriously What the Hell is a Delegate?

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Well, it’s convention time here in the U.S. –



One candidate to rule them all!





Wait. Different kind of convention. Although if political party conventions had cosplay it’d definitely make politics more interesting. Whatever. The Republican National Convention just wrapped up last week and the Democratic National Convention is just starting so we all know what that means!



It means… that… President…



Okay I honestly don’t know what these conventions are all about. Really.



I know it’s where the candidate for that party officially accepts his nomination and there’s delegates there. Also old people and empty chairs for some reason



After looking around on wikipedia, I found this out about delegates. “The Democratic Party of the United States uses pledged delegates and superdelegates. A candidate for the Democratic nominee must win a majority of combined delegate votes at the Democratic National Convention.
Pledged delegates are elected or chosen at the state or local level, with the understanding that they will support a particular candidate at the convention. Pledged delegates are however not actually bound to vote for that candidate, thus the candidates are allowed to periodically review the list of delegates and eliminate any of those they feel would not be supportive. Currently there are 3,253 pledged delegates.” The republican party has a near identical system for delegates.



So basically when states have primaries, their delegates go and vote for the person who won in that state but sometimes they don’t have to or something? Also there’s superdelegates who can do whatever they want?



So… are delegates even necessary? I don’t get the point. I know this is going to sound weird since I’m talking about the government but this whole process seems inefficient and riddled with redundancy. Not to mention expensive –



When fiscal conservatives throw a party they ironically spare no expense. Do you know how much it cost them to make that mute Obama lookalike invisible?





I really can’t think of a practical reason that we’re still using this system in the electoral process but I do have a few theories as to why we keep it around.


Protesters get to riot, cops get to bust heads, everybody gets to let off some steam.



Everybody wins in a riot!





Weird conspiracy with the button and balloon companies to boost sales.



I’m onto you…





Gives musicians a chance to show their political affiliation.



3 Doors Down played the RNC this year. This was a big shock as nobody knew 3 Doors Down were still together.





While I can’t be sure why these delegates exist I think we all can agree on one thing. 3 Doors Down sucks. They’re like Nickleback without the personality.

Phone Call to Clint Eastwood.

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“Hello, Clint? Hi, it’s me. Bob. Bob Newhart.



Thanks, I’m a huge fan of your work myself. Yes, I did see the speech last night, that’s actually what I’m calling about. No, I’m not asking to join your secret society of Hollywood conservatives but I’m glad to hear your organization is growing. There’s you, and you mentioned Jon Voight in your speech last night and…



Oh, that’s it? Well, it’s a start.



But, really, I-I really want to talk about the bit where you had the conversation with the President in the chair. Well, some might call it stealing, Clint.



It’s just that the one sided imaginary conversation is sort of my signature bit. For decades, actually.



Well I’m flattered that you consider me an “inspiration” for that part of your speech but you could at least try to get it right. For starters, I usually use a phone.



I disagree, it makes a big difference. See, when you’re on the phone, people can suspend their disbelief a bit and let themselves believe you’re actually having a conversation. It puts them at ease and allows the routine to flow better. When you’re addressing an empty chair onstage it just looks like you’re an old man suffering dementia who wandered into a convention center.



“YOU ALL SEE HIM, DON’T YOU? HE’S RIGHT THERE!”





The stammering didn’t help either. Yes, I know but when I do it it just makes me seem flustered and insecure. When an 82 year old man talking to a chair does it –



No, I do appreciate your dedication to being faithful to the bit, but… Well, if you really wanted to be faithful you could have tried to make it funny.



No, I saw the whole thing.



Yes, even the part where you said to the chair ‘No, I won’t shut up!’ It’s just, if you want to do this in a speech again, could you give me a call beforehand?



Oh, no. Not to help you write it. To tell you you can’t do it.



Thanks. Okay, I have to go. I’ve got Sir Walter Raleigh on hold.”

Legitimate Rape Jokes

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Here’s some news for you people who don’t have the internet, television or a conversation with anybody about politics in the last week. Republicans are really trying to soften the definition of rape.



It’s actually kind of creepy. First this Senate candidate in Missourah Todd Akin made his now incredibly famous remarks about a woman’s body shutting down in the case of a “legitimate rape”. Now VP candidate Paul Ryan calls rape “just another method of conception”. Earlier this year republicans were accused of waging a “war on women” but now they just narrowed their target down to rape victims, I guess.

legitimate asshole


With this unsettling contest of “which republic candidate can say the most horrific thing about rape” going on I can’t help but wonder on how Daniel Tosh feels about all this.


Think about it, two months ago Daniel Tosh made a rape joke onstage at the Laugh Factory and made fun of a heckler. Somebody blogged about it (inaccurately according laughspin, it went viral and Tosh became public enemy number 1. He still had some supporters, mostly stand up comics but the damage is done. He didn’t gain any new fans with this. Todd Akin said something way worse and he’s raised $100,000 in donations since the remarks. Paul Ryan said something way worse and it seems nobody but a couple people over at the Huffington Post even noticed.



What really makes what Akin and Ryan said worse is the fact that they have (or potentially will have) power to legislate laws concerning rape. Sure, Daniel Tosh shouldn’t have said what he did but at the end of the day he’s just a comedian. He may have used rape as subject matter for a joke but when you boil it down that’s all it was. A joke. So many people in the media vilified him but it’s not like he has any say in the laws concerning what governs rape, women’s reproductive health or general women’s rights. Akin and Ryan do and they’re getting treated with kid gloves compared to how Tosh got beat up by the media. If I was Daniel Tosh that would really get to me.



I guess the lesson here is that it’s not okay to say awful, dismissive things about rape unless you’re a republican politician. It’s Daniel’s fault he said that stuff in a comedy club. He should have said it on a morning news show or town hall meeting.

Snooki Gives Birth to Healthy 5 Year MTV Contract Extention.

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Congratulations to Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi on the birth of her first child, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle!



Yep, that thing’s a mom now.





I don’t really know much about Jersey Shore since I’ve never seen a single episode but I do know that everybody there has a stupid nickname for some reason. Now I read on wikipedia that, traditionally, the “Guido” or “Guidette” will choose their nickname after contracting their first STD so here’s some suggestions of possible nicknames for little Lorenzo when that day finally comes 12 years from now.




Benzo

Lorenzcrafters

The Incident

Lollipop

Lorenzo Lamas

PussPound

Snooki Jr.

Spinoff

MTV Presents Lorenzo

Manscape

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Tanning Bed

Li’l Snook Snook

Doesn’t-say-it-out-loud-because-he-knows-it-isn’t-socially-acceptable-but-totally-hates-black-people

Bodyshots

Loud in Crowded Public Areas

L.L. Bean

Negative Stereotype




Hope he uses one of my suggestions!

The Minnesota Marriage Amendment Will Probably Pass. Here’s Why.

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People who support it don’t know what it is.



I’m not kidding. There are people in this state who are planning to vote “yes” on the Minnesota Marriage Amendment without even knowing what it is. They have an idea, of course. They have the vague knowledge that it’s about gay marriage. The problem is that they think that the Amendment up for vote in the November election is to legalize gay marriage.



I know these people exist because I actually talked with one of them this week.



I was on the road at my new job with my trainer. He was a nice guy but really, really conservative. Like, all over the board. Socially, fiscally, the whole package. As some of you regular readers know I’m really, really liberal. We talked politics for a bit but were able to keep it civil. Making our points and respecting (but not agreeing) to the other person’s opinions. I get into so many ranting political arguments on the internet that I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to have some polite debate.



He did fuck with me a little. He made me listen to Rush Limbaugh as a joke (but also because he wanted to listen to Rush Limbaugh) and we all know how I feel about him. During the local station’s little two minute news segment the reporter said something about how Augsburg College is officially opposing the Minnesota Marriage Amendment and how they’re the first college in the state to take a stance yada yada gay panic. Here’s the conversation we had that followed hearing that story.



TRAINER: A college taking a stance on gay marriage. That’s messed up.



ME: Hey, good for them. This whole “kick ’em while they’re down” amendment is messed up, anyway.



TRAINER:“Kick ’em when they’re down”? Alright, you probably know how I feel about all of this (the subject of gay rights came up in conversation a few times and he didn’t state his opinion, probably out of concern of being viewed as intolerent. He did, however, say things like “well, I’m a Christian so…” or “well, I’m a conservative so you probably know what I think about that”) but what are you talking about?



ME:This whole amendment is just about making gay marriage “super illegal”.



TRAINER:Super illegal?



ME:Yeah, this vote isn’t even about legalizing gay marriage.



TRAINER:Wait, what?



ME:Yeah. Gays can’t get married in Minnesota. When I went to get the marriage certificate with my wife, there was a thing at the bottom that said “is one of you a chick and one of you a dude?” The wording was a little more official but yeah, it’s already illegal to get gay married in MN. This vote is on whether or not to change the state’s constitution to say that gays can’t get married. So, it’s already legal but if this passes it will still be illegal and hey, fuck you, queers.



TRAINER:Really?



ME:Yep. If this doesn’t pass, gay marriage will still be illegal.



TRAINER:Huh. That is really a kick ’em when they’re down thing, huh?


I didn’t press the issue past that. I’m not about to change some hardcore conservative’s views, I’m the new guy at work so I don’t want to get into an argument with my trainer and frankly, I was surprised that I got him listening and thinking about the whole thing.



Here’s the kicker. This guy isn’t an idiot. I’m not about to follow him around with a notebook writing down his quotes but he is by no means stupid. He’s just a regular guy and he thought that this vote was to legalize gay marriage in Minnesota when it really isn’t.



He can’t be alone. How many other people in this state have the same ideas about this vote?



Shit, maybe instead of yelling at people I don’t agree with I should try to have a conversation with them.



There has to be a less confusing slogan than this one.

Drunk Post Part 2: The Thrilling Conclusion!

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When we last left our hero, he had way too much to drink. Like seriously, too much. If a cop made him blow into a breathalyzer the breathalyzer would’ve puked on the cop’s shoes, picked a fight with the radar gun and cried about an ex girlfriend. He had befriended some teenagers who were looking for date rape drugs thinking they were regular drugs and continued his stumbling, meandering path home. Now, let’s join our inebriated adventurer in another exciting episode of “Drunk Post!”



My night was coming to an end. Between the conversation with the kids and the long walk I felt sober enough to collapse into bed without any horrible dizziness. I was literally a block away from my home when I walked past a guy and he asked if he could use my cellphone. I obliged. He seemed polite enough. Maybe he was just another dude who liked to wander around when he’s had too much to drink. Maybe we could start a group. Call ourselves “The Afterbar Stumblers”. Order some jerseys. Make a facebook page.



Getting off track here.



He said that his cellphone was dead and he left it in his friend’s apartment. He called, got a voicemail and left a message along the lines of “hey, I’m outside man. This drunk dude lent me his cellphone since mine’s dead so call me back on this number if you get this in the next few minutes” and gave me back my phone. He asked if I could hang out for a minute in case his friend calls and I say “no problem”.



After a couple minutes of small talk we hear some activity in the back of the apartment building. Joe (not his real name) suggests we go back there to see if anybody can let us in. There’s a shirtless dude with dreadlocks in the doorway. Joe asks Dreads (probably not this guy’s real name either but that’s what everybody called him. No lie) if he can get into the apartment to retrieve his cellphone charger. Dreads, with an eerily calm and placid voice, said “Man, you muthafuckas better get outta here. There’s people here that wanna shoot you.”



I, with a voice that attempted to be calm but probably failed at it, said “well we should go away from here, then because I don’t want to be shot.” Dreads looked at me, back to Joe and said “I dunno who this muthafucka is but you should listen to him”. Joe said “We’re not going to get shot” to me dismissively and immediately turned his attention back to Dreads. “I tried to call him but my phone’s dead and I don’t know if he won’t call numbers he doesn’t recognize but my charger’s in there”. Dreads reiterated that there were people who would shoot him and they wouldn’t give a fuck who I was so I should just go. I obliged and walked towards the front of the building. Joe jogged to catch up to me and asked if he could use my phone again.



I said yes because I’m an idiot.



After Joe called “him” again and left a message, another guy walked up to us. Slick Rick (again, probably not his name but that’s what Joe and “him” called him) came up to Joe and asked if “he” was around. Joe said he tried calling him on my phone but hasn’t got a call back yet. Slick Rick asked if he could use my phone and called “him”, leaving a message. Slick Rick said that “he” wasn’t home but if he could get into the building he could get into the apartment. Slick Rick asks if I can stay around for a few minutes in case “he” calls back and I say “sure, whatever”. In for a penny, in for a pound.



A few minutes go by and somebody leaves the apartment building. Slick Rick runs to the door before it closes, Joe follows and asks if it’s cool if I stay outside. I tell him that it’s no problem. Joe asks if I’m sure that it’s cool? I smile and tell him that at this point I want to see how this all plays out.



They’re at the top of the stairway in the three story building (I can see because the stairway has floor-to-ceiling glass windows) using my phone and it just hits me. Right then. This epiphany is followed up immediately by the realization that 20 minutes ago somebody casually mentioned that there are people in that building who wouldn’t hesitate to shoot me



I finally realize that these two guys are strung out crackheads and “he” is a crack dealer. They have spent the last 20 minutes repeatedly calling a crack dealer with my phone while I hang outside a crack dealer’s apartment at 3:30 AM.



They come back down, Slick Rick is on the phone with “him” (hooray! They finally got a hold of “him”). After some “yeahs”, “uh huhs” and a “he’s right here”, Rick hands me the phone and says “he” wants to talk to me. I get on the phone and “he” asks me my name. I tell “him”. “He” asks me what’s my story and I tell him how I was walking home, Joe asked to use my phone yada yada. Joe asks to talk with “him” and I give Joe the phone. Joe nervously asks “him” for 20 dollars that’s apparently owed, he’s told to head several blocks northeast to meet “him” and gives the phone to Slick Rick.



Joe jumps in his car, thanks me for using my phone and gets out. It’s about 4:15 AM now.



While Joe’s gone, Slick Rick says to “him” on the phone “Man, I don’t know what that white boy’s problem is, talkin’ ’bout you owing him $20. All I know is that I’m finna get into this apartment by hook or by crook. I’ll see if this drunk mufucker can stick around with his phone. Alright.” He asked if I’ll stick around for a few minutes and I agreed to because who fucking even knows? I’m dumb. Slick Rick assures me I’ll be compensated for my troubles when “he” shows up but I told him that I really just wanted to go to sleep.



A few minutes go by and Joe comes back, stating that “he” wasn’t where “he” said “he’d” be so Joe asked if he could use my phone to try to reach “him” again. I let him. No answer. We wait around for a while in silence and I said “Hey guys? You ever read ‘Waiting for Godot'” and they both stared at me in confusion. “That’s too bad because this is totally like ‘Waiting for Godot’ except… nevermind”.



A couple of minutes after my hilarious and underappreciated Beckett reference, a group of 4 latino men walk out of the apartment. Slick Rick makes his way to the door to try to get in and they block the way, asking if he lived there. Slick Rick got real pissed and screamed “man, my motherfucking friend lives in 11! Y’all trying to start shit?” As Rick walks toward the dudes with his arms in the air while clutching my phone I ask Rick if he could hand me my phone before getting into a streetfight. He comes back, puts the phone in my hand and the latinos walk away. He turns around and said “Yeah, just walk away!”



Oh shit, I had my phone. I could leave



I mean, I’m pretty sure I could have left at anytime but I’m such a pussy I let these guys take my phone hostage for two hours. I tell them that I have to go because I’m about to pass out. They call “him” one more time but “he” doesn’t answer. I left at 5:05 AM a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see “him” in person. What was “he” like? I imagined The Kingpin. The Michael Clarke Duncan Kingpin from the shitty Daredevil Movie, though. Not the comic book Kingpin.

Obligatory blog photo!





Before I left I made sure to invite them both to my show at the CCUG that night. Slick Rick gave a very nonchalant “maybe” but Joe was incredibly interested and even gave me his phone number to call him later to remind him. On the way to the Corner Bar that night I actually debated calling him but then I saw my call history with the 20 dials to the crack dealer and decided against it.

Drunk Post, by Bill Young

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Friday night I had too much to drink. Far too much to drink.



I planned on a quiet night in or perhaps going to the CCUG open micbut I ended up getting a call from my friend Josh who runs Club Underground at the Spring Street Tavern. He needed somebody to work the door and would pay a modest fee and throw in some free booze as well.



Some = all. I drank all the booze. There’s none left. Go to any liquor store today. You’ll just find the employee shrugging and saying something like “I don’t know. It’s… all gone.” It’s all gone because I drank it all in one night working the door for a hip hop show.



As the cab drove me home that night, I stuck my head out the window like a dog because the breeze on my face helped fight the dizzyness. I asked the driver to stop a few blocks short of my house because I wanted to walk around a bit before I got home. It was a beautiful night out and if I were to lay down at that moment I would have got the spins something awful. This was about 2:45 AM.



Pay attention to that time, there. I’m taking a writing class at The Learning Annex and I’m trying something out my instructor calls “foreshadowing”.



About 15 minutes into my winding journey home I stumbled across three African (like, actual African. They had the accents) teenagers hanging out in an open minivan. One of them called out to me and says “Hey, man! You know where we can get some ruffies?”



I thought for a moment about how awesome it is that I look like a date rapist at first glance, politely tell them that I don’t and ask why they’d want ruffies in the first place.



“Because they get you high, right?”



Oh, thank god! For a second I thought they pegged me for a sex offender but in reality they just thought I was a drug addict! I tell them what it’s commonly used for, why you shouldn’t use that and that it’s probably hard to find anyway but I wouldn’t know because I’ve never even looked for the stuff before! I mean, come on!



We talk for a while, I assure them I don’t have any drugs and don’t know where to find any, only now realizing I could’ve totally pranked them by telling them to try smoking nutmeg or dog shit for a buzz. I then invite them to my show the next night at the CCUG, regretting that I didn’t have any business cards with me (they never showed up anyway so fuck ’em). We parted ways and I stumbled in the vague direction of my home. Little did I know that my night was far from over…



You like what I just did there? More Leaning Annex magic my instructor taught me called a “cliffhanger”. Thanks to my instructor, mystery novel author Jeanette Michaels and be sure to check out her book –







Buy it at her etsy store today!


“Gang of Juggalos” Sounds Like the Worst HBO Series Ever.

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The FBI has classified “Juggalos” as a gang. No lie. Juggalos.



For those of you who don’t know, Juggalos (or Juggalettes if you’re referring to the female version) are fans of Insane Clown Posse. A hillbilly rap group that likes to dress up like clowns and talk about killing people with hatchets. Even if you’re not familiar with the band, you’ve probably seen them skewered on SNL. When ICP released an infomercial about their yearly music festival “The Gathering of the Juggalos” on youtube (14 minutes but so worth it if you have the time)-



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNe11E_KiAk&w=560&h=315]



It led to brilliant SNL sketch (gotta click the link, sorry. Hulu won’t embed on here for some reason).

When ICP released this ridiculous video –



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-agl0pOQfs&w=560&h=315]



SNL came out with this. They also did a second Gathering parody. Seriously, there’s a writer on that show that’s got a total hard on for making fun of ICP.



Now that you know the band, let’s meet the fanbase and alleged crime syndicate. I present to you, the Juggalo –



The only thing I like more than awful music is making my face all itchy and pimply with clown makeup.





This is the Juggalo. They like listening to clowns rap, drinking Faygo for some reason and backyard wrestling. Being a juggalo is like it’s own subculture. They’re misunderstood (self proclaimed. Most people understand them perfectly) and they refer to other Juggalos as family. A family bonded in listening to shit music.



The FBI has classified them as a “loosely-organized hybrid gang” because a few ICP fans have committed crimes. The Insane Clown Posse has claimed this has led to government harassment of all Juggalos, most of whom are perfectly law abiding, makeup wearing, Faygo swilling poker table smashing hillbillies.



ICP is actually planning to file a lawsuit against the FBI for labeling their fans as a gang and… I hate to admit it, but they’re right.



As much as I’d love for it to be true, listening to shitty music isn’t a crime. Enjoying ICP doesn’t make you a gang just like enjoying Marilyn Manson ten years ago didn’t make you a school shooter. Just because a small portion of their fanbase has committed crimes it doesn’t warrant the FBI to label everybody who listens to that garbage.



I’m going to have to keep an eye on how this whole story develops. Guess I’ll start watching the Juggalo News Network –



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqiERLLl-N0&w=560&h=315]



…I honestly don’t know if that’s satire of if that’s actually for ICP fans.

FREE JULIAN ASSANGE BECAUSE… well…

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Julian Assange, the weird albino creator of Wikileaks has been holed up in the Ecuadoran Embassy in London since June 19th because British authorities want to have him extradited to Sweden! Swedish authorities have been trying to put him in prison for years now simply because he made Wikileaks!



Wait… what’s that? Sweden just wants him to stand trial after he skipped bail on rape and assault charges from two different women?



That’s weird because PolanskiImeanAssange supporters are making this sound like some free speech battle or something.



Huh. Crazy. So just so we’re clear, Julian Assange was charged with rape, went to jail in England, paid bail and sought asylum so he couldn’t be extradited to Sweden to stand trial. He’s not fleeing some trumped up charges or false imprisonment, he’s simply avoiding facing the charges against him in court. He hasn’t even been found guilty or sentenced for anything.



So basically all these people protesting and getting arrested in England are defending a man because he doesn’t want to stand trial when a couple of chicks said he raped them?



Anonymous fights for free speech unless that speech is coming from a woman that said Julian Assange raped her.





These people won’t rest until Julian Assange is placed above the system.





“You can arrest me but you’ll never arrest Julian Assange for a way, way worse crime!”





Granted, the the case is a little murky and there is a chance that he’s being targeted because he’s a high profile individual but that doesn’t put him above the law. If I got charged with rape I couldn’t just run to an embassy even if the charges were trumped up. I’d have to stand trial. That’s how this shit works.



The other factor at play here is that you can’t be sure if the charges are false. If this actually did happen not only did he commit a crime but he pretty much kicked the victims while they were down with all this running, hiding and protests.



I kind of understand where his supporters are coming from, though. It’s hard to look at the man and think he could successfully force himself upon a woman –



He just don’t look that rapey.

The Only Dude at Jo-Ann Fabrics.

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I’ve never had a problem going out and buying things for my lady. Tampons, pantyhose, whatever. I really don’t know why guys have a problem with that stuff. The embarrassment factor is bullshit (as explained by the stand up comedy of Chad Daniels below) –



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wq-PZxaqHso&w=420&h=315]



If anything, going out and getting stuff for the wife is just proof I get laid so I had no problem when Jena asked me to head to Jo-Ann Fabrics to get her some black thread for a sewing project last night. In and out, no big deal. Off to Jo-Ann Fabric.



“experience the creativity” replaced their old, less popular slogan “abandon hope all ye who enter here”





I go in the store, shedding any notion of some Dave Barry-esque idea that I’ll wither and die in a store that doesn’t have beef jerky or whatever. I’m just a dude going into a store to buy a thing. I find the thread, get a few spools and make my way to the register. I notice that with all the stuff around me I’d probably never find myself in this store on my own accord there’s plenty of people who are into this kind of stuff. Different strokes for different folks. I probably wouldn’t like it if some 50 year old cat lady walked into a comic book store and started scoffing at how she couldn’t believe anybody would buy this stuff. I am a modern guy! On to checkout!



I get to the checkout and there’s only four people in line. Sweet. I should be out of there in just a few minutes.



CUT TO: 30 MINUTES LATER



I’m still in goddamn line. What the hell? Four old ladies buying a few things. How the fuck did this happen?



I need to get out of here. It’s been a half hour and there’s still two people ahead of me in line because you don’t just buy things at Jo-Ann Fabric. You talk to the employees about what you’re buying, why you’re buying it, what you bought in the past and what you’ll be buying in the future. I left my cellphone in the car, too so I can’t dick around on facebook to pass the time! There’s a magazine/book rack but it’s full of things that would just bore me to sleep –



1. This is a thing people try to learn? 2. It takes a whole book to learn it?





Shit. I could really use some beef jerky right now. Holy shit! Dave Barry was right! He wasn’t funny but he was right!



I don’t even know what the woman at the register is even trying to do. I think she’s trying to return shoelaces without a receipt because it turns out she doesn’t need them for her birdhouse? They need to get a manager down there? Jesus Christ!



I finally go to the register, the cashier rings me up and I swipe my card. Twenty seconds. A new Jo-Ann Fabrics record! I want to turn to the people in line and say “SEE? IT’S THAT FUCKING EASY!”



I get ready to sign the pad and she tells me my card is declined.



Turns out the transfer to my account didn’t happen until after business close so the money won’t be in until the next business day. Meaning I’ll have to go back to Jo-Ann fabric.



God help me.