You ever hear of this fucker?




This fucker hosts the fucking Davis and Emmer Show on Twin Cities News Talk radio (fucking AM1130). This fucker actually said on his fucking show – “I have something I want to say to the victims of Newtown, or any other shooting,” namely that the gun reforms they’ve been lobbying for “force me to lose my liberty, which is a greater tragedy than your loss.”. He fucking then went on to say that he was – “sick and tired of seeing these victims trotted out,” and that “I would stand in front of them and tell them, ‘go to hell.’”



He actually fucking said that.



Just so we’re crystal fucking clear, he’s fucking saying that having to do a background check at gun shows, smaller magazines and maybe having a harder time buying guns online is a fucking worse tragedy than a bunch of parents having their 9 year old children brutally murdered. The fucking balls on this guy.



You know what? It makes me fucking cringe even thinking about having to explain to this fuckface why he’s fucking wrong so I’m just going to forego all that and say this.



Fuck you, Bob Davis. Fuck your show. Fuck your boner for guns. Fuck your buddy Tom Emmer. Fuck the station that allows you to spread your word AIDS all over the state. Fuck your stupid glasses. Fuck your apology where you don’t actually apologize for anything.



Fuck you, you fucking fucker.

I really want to write about something else. I would love nothing more than to do a stupid post replying to some craigslist job ad or rip into Michele Bachmann but that’s just not happening. It’s all over the news, it’s on everybody’s minds and it’s been on my mind since I heard about it right as it happened on the radio yesterday.



Yesterday a couple of bombs went off towards the finish line of the Boston Marathon in an act of terror, killing three and wounding over a hundred. The President has stayed away from using the word “terrorist” for the attack and I can understand why. This country equates terror with Middle Eastern muslims who want to destroy our freedom or something but terrorism doesn’t solely belong to anti western jihadists. Terrorism is nothing more than an act used to instill fear in people. To make them feel like they’re not safe when they should be.



If this was a terror attack, it didn’t work.



One of the things that struck me yesterday was the instant online reaction to the attack. The last time something like this happened on American soil was September 11th, 2001. That was 12 years ago. 12 years ago there was no facebook or twitter. This was pre-MySpace. Most homes only had 56k internet connections and we’d just use them to go into aol chatrooms or check out hamsterdance.com.



I didn’t even own a cellphone in 2001. After the attack, I just holed up in my brother’s apartment all day as we watched the news. We could only judge how the country felt based on the media reaction. Yesterday, everybody was online and posting their reactions and feelings to the tragedy. You could just check out your smartphone to see how everybody you know was feeling.

The first thing I saw was people trying to see if everybody was okay. People from everywhere who had friends or family in Boston were either asking them to “check in” or reporting on their status for others. After that I mostly saw people sharing this –







and this.







That’s what people are talking about. Not how this changes everything or how we’ll have to beef up security. People are talking about how awesome it was to see so many people rush to help out without even thinking about it.



Of course, that hasn’t been the only online reaction to this tragedy. I’ve seen plenty of posts promising retaliation against those responsible and that’s perfectly natural. There’s been the shitty shock value jokes that are offensive but ultimately harmless. I’ve even seen more than one person hop on the Alex Jones bandwagon and blame the government for the attack but all of these combined are still a fraction of those I’ve seen of people “looking for the helpers” and bolstering their faith in humanity.



Might be some hope for us after all.

I did bad thing. I make drinks go in me. I said no booze after new years but last night booze was tasty and now I no have brain.



Brain Hurtey real bad. Tummy gurgling and eyes hurt. Thinking hard. Want to make blog go but brain hurt ’cause the booze.



The booze didn’t hurt last night. Booze felt great. Drinks happened and everything was fun. More and more drinks happened and I went home and went to sleep real late and I wake up now and everything bad. Nothing is fun. The world is scary and my breath smell bad.



I no like this. Booze make fun times but after booze is dark, dark times.



No more booze. Time to make resolution stick. Brain hurteys are no fun. Gut times are terrible, too. Too old. Too old for booze



I go bathroom now because of booze. I go bathroom forever because of booze. Hate you, booze.



Stupid booze.

I’m a big fan of April Fool’s pranks. Usually I’ll just do something harmless like pretend to quit my job or come out of the closet to my parents but I’ve never really done anything big. I tried once. When Jena and I were first dating we orchestrated a big fight in public and then broke up on facebook (and myspace. It was a long time ago). When we revealed it was an April Fool’s prank our friends either didn’t care or were really pissed off at us. Since that one backfired on us I haven’t really a grand April Fool’s prank. I’ll just never be able to pull one off. Not like Ben.



My friend Ben executed the greatest AF prank I’ve ever seen.



I can’t remember if it was junior or senior year but Ben and I were in the backstage of the auditorium for after school rehearsal of the school play. There were these narrow metal stairs that went up about 20 feet to reach the catwalk. High enough that I’d only climbed to the top once due to my fear of heights.



Ben committed suicide by hanging himself off the catwalk backstage.



Not really. It looked like it, though. See, Ben had bought this book of magic tricks and one of them was a trick noose. It looked just like a regular noose but you put two more ropes in the slipknot that looped under your armpits and supported them so none of your body weight was hanging under the neck loop. You wouldn’t even notice the additional ropes if you were looking from straight ahead or far enough away.



Ben told a couple of us friends to help him set up the whole gag and he did it. He had somebody help him into the harness/noose and gently lower him from the catwalk platform, I made sure nobody wandered back into the area during rehearsal and when it was all ready, Steve ran out to tell everybody.



This was the most important task. He had to come out and pretend that he just found his classmate’s dead body. This type of acting is a little above the high school level but he did it. Sobbing and shaking, he ran out on stage and just said “You guy’s! Ben is… backstage… Oh, God!” and fell to his knees, pointing towards the backstage area with the catwalk stairs. There were a couple dozen kids at rehearsal and we all went back to see what was going on and there he was.



Dangling from the catwalk. Neck to the side, body limp. He was even swinging on the rope ever so slightly like you see when people hang themselves in movies. Kids started freaking out. People screamed and collapsed. Girls were weeping uncontrollably. It was complete pandemonium backstage at the Tartan High School auditorium and then Ben opened his eyes, smiled, waved at everybody and said “April Fools!”



Now when he told me about the prank I didn’t give the aftermath much thought. I just figured when it was revealed that he was, in fact, alive that everybody would have a good laugh but that was not how that played out at all. Girls were still crying. People were pale and visibly shaken. One kid was dry heaving off into a corner. Looking back I now realize that these were all kids. Drama kids, no less and for a moment they all thought that they had just seen their first dead body and it was their friend.



It was the first time I had ever realize a prank could go overboard and to this day was the best prank I had ever seen.