Monthly Archives: December 2013

I Don’t Even Know What Angle to Take on This Whole “Duck Dynasty” Thing.

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Phil Robertson, star of the wildly popular sitcom “Duck Dynasty”, stated in an interview with GQ that he thinks homosexuality is wrong and the internet has fucking exploded over it. He’s been suspended from the show, there’s campaigns to get him back on, he’s released statements saying that he loves everybody etc. etc.



Here’s the thing. I don’t know how to approach this. There’s way too many angles. What do I do?

Do I berate him for having such backwards, regressive views?

Do I point out that it’s obvious that some bible thumping, camo-wearing swamp dweller is going to think homosexuality is wrong?

Do I make fun of the comment itself because he sounded like a second grader talking about how he didn’t want poop on his wee wee?

Do I rage at the fact that a reality show about millionaire hillbillies shouldn’t be this popular to begin with?

sitcoms are okay, though.

sitcoms are okay, though.

Do I defend him because even though I don’t agree with his views, he’s still entitled to think whatever he wants about gay people as long as he’s not harming them?

Do I just not care because I’ve never even seen Duck Dynasty and just keep living my life?

OH GOD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT OPINION I SHOULD HAVE ABOUT THE “DUCK DYNASTY” CONTROVERSY!

December Shows!

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Hey, sexy friends! Want to come see me tell jokes at you all jokey style? I’ve got two shows this month and here’s where they’re going to be!



COMEDY ROAST OF MR. SCROOGE!
scrooge-roast-2012-web-header



The main character of Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” is honored with a roast by the whole cast. The Cratchit family, Jacob Marley and all the ghosts will be there. I’ll be playing the role of the Ghost of Christmas Present which is great because I always love doing a set in a bathrobe! This show runs tonight through the 22nd at Camp Bar in Downtown St. Paul. Check out their site for showtimes and tickets!



NEW YEAR’S EVE AT THE MONDAY NIGHT COMEDY SHOW!
MNCS



I’ll be ringing in the new year telling jokey jokes with Patrick Bauer, Wayne Burfeind and host Andrew Brynildson! The drinks are strong, the jokes are jokey and I will personally kiss everybody in the bar between 12:00 and 12:01, no matter how many people are there. I’ve been practicing and I can kiss about 3 people per second with tongue.



Come out and see me sometime!

Ten Years of Death, Sadness and Comedy

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Ten years ago I went to Grumpy’s in downtown Minneapolis to get a spot at a brand new open mic hosted by this new comic I met a couple times at ACME. It was in a narrow side room and the tiny stage was occupied by a soundboard and, for some reason, a man. A large, intimidating man with wild hair and a beard sat on the stage so comics had to perform in front of the stage while he loomed over him.

The comic was Chris Maddock and the ominous shadow was Stand Up! Records owner Dan Schlissel. Thankfully, they figured out that The sound board and therefore Dan didn’t need to be onstage. I kept coming back week after week because it was a fun room, my friends were there and they give a drink ticket to each comic that performs. Most open mics don’t do that. I’ve done at least 150 sets there. That’s a lot of free drinks.

Anyway, I’m not going to get too much into the history or how Grumpy’s open mic has gained a rep as the toughest room in the country because most of that was covered in a great vita.mn article that I would totally link but I’m writing this on an iPod. I will, however, say this.

Chris and his open mic are a shining example of one of the best qualities a comedian can have. Tenacity. There have been some really, really bad shows there. Horrible. Plenty of open mics have stopped under more favorable circumstances but Chris keeps going because comics need the stage time and I need the free drinks.

To celebrate 10 years of the toughest stage in the world Chris started today’s open mic at 11 AM and will keep going until bar close. You have no excuse to not go pay tribute to the most metal open mic host on earth.

Congrats, Madoo! Here’s to 10 more years and 10 more audience members!

Let’s Sell a Cracked iPod!

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The other day I won a TV at work but I already have a TV so I took it back to Best Buy and got myself a new iPod instead. The only problem I have now is what do I do with my old, cracked iPod? Looks like it’s time to make a craigslist ad to sell it! Here we go!



CL minneapolis hennepin co for sale / wanted electronics – by owner
Reply to: craigslist reply address will appear here Posted: 5 minutes ago
WANT AN IPOD TOUCH BUT DON’T HAVE MONEY? – $25 (UPTOWN)

rocky

HOW ABOUT YOU BUY A CRACKED IPOD FOR 1/10TH THE PRICE OF A NOT CRACKED ONE?

ipod

THAT’S RIGHT! I’M SELLING MY CRACKED IPOD. I BUSTED MY RAD BONE AND CAN’T HANDLE HOW FUCKING AWESOME THIS THING IS SO I’M READY TO SELL IT TO A WORTHY ADVENTURER.

SPECS:
*4TH GENERATION. SURPASSES THREE GENERATIONS OF IPOD TOUCHES.
*IOS 6. THE ONE THAT HAD ALL THE CRAZY INACCURATE MAPS.
*8 GIGS. STORE OVER 1,000 COPIES OF VAN HALEN’S “PANAMA”
davidleeroth
*PERFECT WORKING CONDITION (aside from the occasional “panic” reboot)

BENEFITS FOR HAVING A CRACKED IPOD:
*IT LOOKS BADASS. CHICKS DIG SCARS. TELL GIRLS YOU BROKE IT FIGHTING NINJAS AND WATCH THE WAVE OF PUSS SWEEP OVER YOU.
*USE IT AS A SELF DEFENSE TOOL. SOMEBODY TRIES TO MUG YOU? BOOM. THEY GET 8 GIGS OF BROKEN GLASS AND VAN HALEN SONGS IN THEIR FACE.
*NOBODY TRIES TO STEAL A CRACKED IPOD. SERIOUSLY. I’VE JUST LEFT IT IN MY UNLOCKED CAR IN THE WORST NEIGHBORHOODS.

EMAIL ME TO UNLOCK YOUR FUTURE DESTINY AS AN OWNER OF A CRACKED IPOD TOUCH.
Location: UPTOWN
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Hurry and contact me while this amazing deal is available!