Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I’m going to my aunt’s. For most holiday gatherings we do a potluck. The host takes care of the main dish and the guests all bring something like a side or dessert. For most of my life I was tasked with bringing the soda because it was the easiest thing to bring. A few times when I was a little short on cash my mom even slipped me a few bucks to go get the soda.



That all changed when I got married. Once you’re married your family sees you as more of an adult. I had finally been upgraded from bringing the soda to stuff like chicken salad or pie. It was an exciting time in my life. It didn’t always work out. Sometimes I’d get too ambitious. One Thanksgiving I tried to make a gluten free chocolate cake (my brother can’t eat gluten). The recipe called for honey instead of sugar to sweeten but I didn’t pay attention at the grocery store and accidentally bought some honey with lemon in it. The cake tasted like ass but failure’s a part of the learning process.



This year, however, I’m divorced. I’m well aware that my family just assumed that Jena made most of the food we brought (it’s true but I helped some!) so when my mom called me about Thanksgiving I asked her what I should bring. I also reminded her that if she says soda, that I’m 31 years old. There was a long pause, she told me she’d ask her sister what else was needed and hung up.



The other day she called me back and said “You can get a pre-baked apple pie at Cub for 3.00.”



Fuck that. You guys want apple pie? I’m making a goddamn apple pie because I am a fucking MAN. Just like any other man in this situation I’ll go to pinterest to find the most kickass fucking apple pie recipe to blow everybody’s fucking minds!



HOW ABOUT I BAKE AN APPLE PIE DIRECTLY IN THE MOTHERFUCKING APPLE, BITCHES?

Maybe after eating my delicious fucking baked goods I’ll finally be seen as a goddamn grownup.

Sorry about the extended break, five actual readers! Things have been quite busy here at YoungCo. headquarters and they’re not about to slow down because I’m starting a new home improvement project today. I’m building a dining room table out of legos.



This has been a dream of mine for some time. I’ve seen nothing but advantages from having a dining room table out of legos. Here’s just a few of them –



*Super light weight and collapsable. Makes moving a breeze!

*Would go with any decor since it will be made of like 6 different colors.

*If I get pissed off I can BREAK MY FUCKING TABLE LIKE A BARBARIAN and then put it back together again.



There’s only one thing standing in the way of my dream. Cost. To build a dining room table out of legos I’d need to use 400 2×4 pieces per leg and at $.30 per brick on the Lego website –

That’s going to be $480 for just the legs. I can’t even afford Lego legs but I’m not going to let that stop me. AFter posting about it on facebook and having friends offer different suggestions, I’m going to build this shit Macklemore style.




Anytime I have a day off in the next several weeks I will scour every thrift store in the twin cities metro area looking for cheap bags of legos. I’ll probably end up with a lot of leftover pieces but this seems the cheapest way to get legos other than craigslist but I’m certain if I buy Legos off craigslist they’ll definitely have been in somebody’s butt.



You can help, too! Do you have any Legos collecting dust in your closet? Give them to me! You’ll help making a manchild’s dream come true and you’ll also save me from making the most pathetic kickstarter campaign ever!



The hunt begins on Tuesday!

This might sound hipster of me, but I hated The Casualties long before everybody found out the singer is possibly a rapist.



For those of you who don’t know The Casualties, here you go.



Oh, wait. That was them in 1990. Here they are now.

They’re the go to example of a try-too-hard punk band. They have albums called “For the Punx” and “A Fuckin’ Way of Life”. They’re horrid but have built a huge following over the years.



Recently, though, allegations have surfaced that the singer doesn’t just make horrible music, he’s a horrible person as well. Please, read this. It’s an account of a woman who claims she was assaulted by the lead singer 16 years ago.



It’s a little hard to read at first. Hearing somebody talk about their own sexual assault isn’t pretty but this woman refuses to shut up about it and I couldn’t be happier that she won’t. 60% of rapes go unreported in this country and this was one of them. She never pressed charges but now she’s bringing it up whenever she can when people talk about that awful band and after writing that article other people are starting to say they’ve either been harassed by this guy or has a friend with a similar story.



The Casualties’ Facebook page is getting flooded with comments regarding this girl’s post so fast that the admin can’t delete and block them fast enough. Their twitter is blowing up as well with people clamoring for a response. The shit has hit the shitty fan for this shitty, shitty band.



So, what can you do? Read her story. All of it. Especially if you’re a fan or friend of the band. Read it and ask yourself if it’s okay to still listen to their music or pay for their shows if this is what they cause. It’s easy to say something like “separate the art from the artist” when you’re talking about people you’ll never meet or died years ago but here’s a woman looking right at you and telling you “This man tried to rape me”. Would you still listen to them?



I wouldn’t but I thought they were shit to begin with. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go get myself banned from their facebook fan page.



(Edit: Hey, Casualties fans and people who are okay with sexual assault! I’ve slightly changed the wording of this post by throwing in the words “possibly” and “allegedly” when referencing the “alleged” assault because you’re right. I don’t know for 100% sure cross-my-heart positive that the singer did assault the writer of the linked post or any other woman. Don’t get me wrong, I still very firmly believe he did, I just don’t know that. Hope that appeases all you shitty street punk lawyers out there! I didn’t, however, change any wording when referring to them musically. Their suckage is verifiable fact.)

It’s been a hard fought road, full of postcards, debates that were probably aired on public access or something, endorsements from state Senators and three separate sex scandals but the time is finally here. The time for local elections.



Frankly, I can’t wait for this political season to be over. All the mudslinging, the accidental twitter nude pics, the attack ads will all be behind us. There’s only one problem. I have no idea who to vote for in the race for city council! Now, I know that they’re all shapeshifting lizards from Mars that want nothing more than to drink the blood of babies but what’s their stance on mixed recycling Let’s take a look at the websites of the four candidates on the ballet for my ward, ward 10.



Lisa Bender

Her website says she’s for vibrant neighborhoods, safe streets and a sustainable city. She’s got a ton of endorsements, including one by state senator Jeff Hayden and you do not want to piss off state senator Jeff Hayden –

Meg Tuthill
Meg is our current city councilor. She likes great neighborhoods, economic opportunities and a green Minneapolis (I only read the highlighted words in the “about” section of their website. I told a door knocker I’d probably vote for her just to get him off my porch but it’s probably going to be a toss up between her and Lisa Bender.



Nate Griggs
For all you need to know about Nate Griggs, just check out his website –

Oh shit there are candidates who are anti Indiana Jones? They didn’t mention that in their websites at all! That’s it, this guy’s got my vote.



Scott Hargarten

Not much is known about Scott Hargarten except that he belongs to the “Pirate Party” which actually is probably way more boring than it sounds. They favor “liquid” or direct democracy and looking at their website it seems that they have beers at their party meetings so now I’m probably going to vote for this guy.



Who do I vote for??? The worst part is the door knocker for Meg Tuthill said that I can put my favorite three candidates on the ballot for some reason! So I don’t get to pick my favorite, I have to pick my least favorite!



Voting’s hard. I should just commit a felony so I don’t have to worry about this anymore.