The internet is done. It has completed its task, to come up with the most awesome thing ever. We can all go home now. It’s over.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Gif Dance Party.

It starts off with Smooch the bear and that 4 year old girl pumping it.

And then, you can add all sorts of animated gifs. People:

And stick figures:

And WFT?:

You can resize them, move them, and change the beat.

This is it. The absolute we can do as a people. The pinnacle of humanity. We may as well go back to flinging poo with the other moneys.

We’re done.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain in my left cheek right around the area where my wisdom tooth that should have been removed years ago sits. The tooth is now broken, just hanging out in my mouth and sending periodic signals of pain to my brain because fuck me.



Toothaches are no joke and can can sometimes fucking kill you if an infection goes untreated but at the moment I can’t afford to go to a dentist so here’s some alternatives I’ve come up with in my sleep deprived stupor.



Tie a string to one end, tie the other end of a string to a doorknob and slam the door shut
Honestly I’ve only ever heard about this in movies and comic books from the ’50s and I’m not sure if this would work for me because my teeth are pretty close together. Would floss work? Seems like floss would break.



Go to biker bar, find the toughest looking guy there, offer detailed and graphic explanation of how I have made aggressive sex on his mother, present left cheek
This one might not work for two reasons:
1. He might not stop with the face punching.
2. What if instead of getting mad and punching me he just gets hurt and cries? Now my tooth still hurts and I feel bad for insulting this guy’s mother.




This is another one I’ve only seen in old movies and comics. Why did they do that? I seriously don’t know. Maybe it was to hold an ice pack in place or something?







Well, until the world comes up with some way to search for questions on various topics I guess I’ll just be in the dark about the headwrap thing.

I just read an article where travelers who go to Jerusalem can get hit with Jerusalem Syndrome. These tourists become raving lunatics for a few days… “purifying themselves” by clipping nails and showering excessively, turning hotel bedsheets into togas, and going out to preach at people to go out and be kind to one another.

I can think of worse brands of crazy.

One person has been studying these cases and has divided the victims into 3 groups- previously crazy, previously extreme, and previously normal. They say that once the previously normal person is removed from the city, they go back to normal.

I’d never heard of this before, but in researching, discovered that The Simpsons did a bit about it where Homer suffered Jerusalem Syndrome, so it must be true.

There are a couple other cities that have syndromes. In Florence, Italy, there is Stendhal’s syndrome or Florence syndrome, “a psychosomatic disorder that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art.” We’re not talking those psychedelic blacklight posters they have in stoner shops. we’re talking art so beautiful and moving you go crazy.

There’s also Paris Syndrome, that specifically affects Japanese people. Paris is thought to be such a pinnacle of western civilization in Japanese culture that when Parisians behave in a way so very different than the romanticized ideal, they become disillusioned, hallucinate, and become paranoid to the point of locking themselves up, or even suicide.

It seems a little extreme, but have you SEEN French fashion?

Anyway, it got me thinking about what Minneapolis Syndrome would look like… someone suffering suffering a shift in their built up reality so extreme they start hallucinating. What would be the signs?

I have a few ideas.

Only being able to talk in Uff-Da and You Bet.
A desire to make all food in casserole dishes with cream of mushroom soup.
Sudden ownership of a bike that you made yourself using silverware and recycled PBR cans.
Making very large versions of a thing and calling it art.
A sudden inability to merge.
Offering everything 3 times, like some kind of weird OCD.
Other symptoms that I’m sure people will comment with (and please do).

If you see someone exhibiting any of these symptoms, kindly suggest that they should see their nearest psych doctor, and then call them crazy behind their back.

I didn’t watch the MTV Video Music Awards this weekend for many, many reasons. The two biggest being I don’t give a shit and I don’t have cable. Apparently I missed out, though, because I guess Miley Cyrus went insane, stripped down and molested stuffed bears with a foam finger while getting banged by Robin Thicke or something.



It’s on the front page of CNN. Buzzfeed’s got like 25 different articles up about it already. It was obviously quite the spectacle. Well might as well see what everybody was talking about.

Well, considering it was the top autocomplete when I just type in the letter “m” I guess I’m not the first person to seek this out. Let’s check out the video.







Alright. Let’s check some of these other videos. Maybe they’ll have the performance.







What the fuck was that and how did it get over half a million views? Alright. Let’s try again.







Oh, come on! These people are just describing what happened in the video. They’re not adding any jokes or opinions. If you’re going to do nothing more than describe the video and offer some aside like “isn’t that weird” then just show me the fucking video and I’ll see that it’s weird for myself.



Well, looks like I’m not going to be able to see anything beyond little snippets and .gifs. I guess the next best thing is to watch the messed up music video of the song she performed at the VMAs.







In this video, Miley’s engaging in a bizzare, “Molly” fueled party. It’s really weird OH GOD I’M NO BETTER THAN THOSE YOUTUBE REACTION ASSHOLES.

Tonight, Bill and I host and produce the sketch comedy show “Young and Fearless: A Night at a Restaurant.” The show starts at 10pm at the Bryant-Lake Bowl, and boasts an amazing cast of players, along with a couple of guest stand up comedians.

I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of our little show. The first one was in April with a park theme, and had a somewhat rocky opening with an attendance of 11 people. Our show in June with an office theme had an attendance of about 50 people and when we applied what we learned from the first show, came off without a hitch!

As we place our sketches this month in restaurants, I’m hoping last show’s attendance wasn’t a fluke. The writers have provided some excellent scenes, and the players have done an amazing job with them.

Come on out and support live sketch comedy!

Now, on to things you can waste your time on until the show- restaurant games!

I’ve found a nice selection of “Papa’s ______eria” games, where you play the part of the employee making food to customers specifications. Take a look!

Papa’s Burgeria– where you take orders, fry patties, and build burgers to customer satisfaction for tips.

Papa’s Pizzaria– Don’t like burgers? How about Pizza! Take orders, then build, bake, and cut to customer’s specifications.

Papa’s Taco Mia– same thing with tacos.

Papa’s Freezeria– remember making your own ice cream blends? Yeah, you can do that here.

Papa’s Pancakeria– like working the house of pancakes!

Papa’s Wingaria– well now it’s just getting silly. Though, I do love me some wings.

And now I’m hungry. Enjoy these games, and come out to the show. I’m gonna go make myself a pancake pizza burger with taco ice cream and wings.