When you think crime family, You think of the Corleones, the Sopranos, or if you’re a history nerd, maybe the Borgias. What you don’t think of is people taking their small children with them when committing crimes.

For instance, last November, a mother/daughter team of shoplifters had three small children in tow while attempting to take less that $200 worth in items from Walmart. That doesn’t seem like a lot, but remember- this is Walmart. $170 of Walmart is about the same as $500 Target.

And thousands of dollars in child labor.

But okay. Maybe you don’t expect the best decision-making to come out of people who shop at Walmart. There’s an entire site dedicated to the class and refinement of Walmart shoppers. Bringing your kids along on a shoplifting spree doesn’t seem so far fetched. Especially if you think you can blame it on them. I mean children are just so grabby at that age.

It’s a little different when you bring your kids along on a bank heist. Michelle Parker goes into the bank, comes out with the money, and gets in the get-away car, driven by her husband with their two small children in the back.

And why wouldn’t you? It was a sunny spring day in Utah, and the Parkers decided on a little outing. Run a few errands, rob a bank… maybe go to the park after. Who knows? Bring the kids- we’ll make a day of it.

Or maybe they just couldn’t afford a sitter.

When I worked computer support, I was the only female technician in either the helpdesk or desktop support group, roughly about 20 people. Sometimes one of the guys would borrow a tool of mine and forget to return it. I was constantly missing tools when I needed them. So I bought a set of pink tools. This did 2 things- prevented guys less secure in their masculinity from borrowing my things, and made it easy for me to locate my forgotten tools… surprisingly, I was the only person on the team to have pink tools.

I have a very ironic love of pink. I own a pink mouse, a pink mousepad, and a pink webcam that I got in the little kid section of a store… computer things made for little girls. Because girls will have no interest in computer things if they’re not covered in pink.

For ME?!?!?!?

And it’s not just for little girls. A European company has developed a computer just for women, with the very unfortunate name ePad Femme. Usually when I go to the store for Feminine pads, I’m not thinking computers.

The ePad comes with several feminine applications (again, other associations) such as yoga, grocery lists, and a clothing conversion app. Because math is hard and lets go shopping!

And yes, it comes in pink. And yes, I want one. Ironically.

This whole feminine pink thing is a surprisingly recent development. Before WWI, blue was actually the feminine color of choice, after the Virgin Mary. And men favored red, putting boys in the “child’s version” of the color- pink. But the WWI uniforms were blue, and so blue became the new masculine color, and women defaulted to pink by the 1940’s.

A while back, I purchased an old 1980’s embroidery sewing machine from my rugged yet dapper brother-in-law. He mentioned he was getting rid of this one, and I had always wanted something to do simple embroidery stitches. But it wasn’t that which sold me on the machine.

No, the machine was marketed as “the ladies computer.” Finally- a computer just for me! It even has a sewing app!

At least it wasn’t covered in pink.

I love The Princess Bride. It’s my all time favorite movie ever. It’s the movie I watch when I’m sick. The one I turn to when I need a distraction. The movie I can quote up and down, and sideways. I remember when my dad brought us kids out to see it at the MIA theater. I still own the VHS.

And OOOOOOOOOH Cary Elwes. He is my favorite actor. He was my first guy crush that was a real person (my first actual crush was Shaggy from Scooby Do. Don’t judge me.) He’s funny, witty, and a fighter. I have loved him in every movie he’s been in, but this. The Princess Bride. It’s my favorite.

I love it for the patter, the story line, the characters. I love the Grandfather/Grandson relationship. I love the out-witting, the cunning, the feistiness. And I absolutely love the best sword fight of all time. To me, it’s practically perfect in every way. There’s only one thing I hate about the movie.

Princess Buttercup is a needy whiny bitch.

What about MY needs?

Seriously. She an absolutely atrocious person. She falls in love with the boy that does everything for her, doing nothing in return. When she thinks her true love is dead, she mopes around, unable to do anything for herself. She lets herself get carted around, here to there, not fighting for herself at all. When she is reunited with her love, she contributes nothing to their escape. She allows him to be taken from her, she sits back and lets herself get rescued again, and doesn’t even try to run away.

The best example of her neediness is in the fire swamp. She needs Wesley to save her from the sand pit. She needs him to put out her dress. The only moment she tries to fight for herself is when attacked by an R.O.U.S. (Rodent Of Unusual Size), after calling out for Wesley to save her from the bumbling rodent, when he doesn’t get there fast enough. And she still can’t do it and still needs saving.

It’s a good thing for her R.O.U.S.es don’t exist. Oh wait- they do.

Well, kinda.

Iran has always had a rat problem. Recently, it’s grown, both in number and size. The rats are up to 11 pounds and thought to be getting bigger. They are larger than some cats. And there are thousands of them.

The problem has gotten so large, army snipers are being set out to take care of them.

Hey, it’s no Wesley with a sword, wrestling midgets in rat costumes, but it’s better than a Buttercup with a stick.