What We Find Amusing

We have all gotten down with the sickness in our home, so you will not be getting your typical classy and intellectually stimulating YoungNotions article about genital cannibalism or the trajectory of fecal matter.

What you get is three YouTube channels that Bill and I find amusing as hell on the internet.

Epic Rap Battles of History

This one is my personal favorite, ’cause it gets extra nerdy at the end. But watch them all. Seriously.

Jenna Marbles

Even though she spells her name wrong, I have a bit of a crush on her. She’s kind of a master at underplaying the comedy to bring it forward.

Cracked

Love the articles? Did you know they have a Youtube channel? My favorite below.

I’d post more, but I have to go empty my nose now.

Eat a Dick

Warning: if you are squeamish reading about genitalia or cannibalism, this post is not for you.

You read the warning correctly, and you, our smart readers, have surmised correctly. There is a person in Japan who was born with cock and balls, but is not a man (OR a woman). They do not identify sexually in any way, be it gender or romantically. And they had their man bits removed.

So far, so good. Gender “reassignment” (quotes because the word isn’t really a perfect representation… it can sound like reassigning the identity a person is born with, not just the sex parts) happens all the time, and the surgery that goes along with it. Totally normal practice with nothing to be ashamed over, even though a lot of people shame the practice out of misunderstanding of what it means to be transgender.

In fact, lets do this really quickly. The beginners guide to sex and gender.

For the sake of ease in understanding complex terms, I’m going to divide “sex” into two categories. Sexual orientation is the term to describe what gender you are attracted to. Heterosexuals like the opposite sex exclusively or almost exclusively. Homosexuals like the same sex exclusively or near exclusively. Bisexuals like both men and women. Pansexuals are attracted to people, man, woman, and everything in between (it tends to be more “personality” with pans). Asexual is usually a sexual orientation term for not being sexually attracted to anyone, being a non-sexual person.

Gender identity is what gender you are. Not the bits you are born with, but who you are as a person. Transsexual people identify as the gender opposite that of their birth parts. This is not the same as a transvestite, a person who is more comfortable in the clothing of the opposite gender. And this is not the same thing as a person dressing in drag for performance or entertainment. Bi-gender means that the person is sometimes a woman, and sometimes a man. Androgyny is often used to describe either a “beyond gender” or a non-gender identity.

This can be a tricky concept for a person who was born with the right bits to match their gender identity. For instance, I am a woman. I am female, I’ve always been female, and I happened to be born with a uterus and able to give birth and no one has ever questioned my gender identity as female.

That’s not entirely true. I can be pretty *dude* sometimes, and someone once tried to label me as bi-gender. But when I check in with the core of me, I’m a woman. Not an inch of dude in me. -insert sex joke here-

Point is, sometimes people are born with different bits than they should have, and they go through surgery to get that fixed. I know if I woke up with a penis tomorrow, I’d go get that awkward growth removed. Well, after trying that whole “peeing standing up” thing the guys keep talking about.

Mao Sugiyama from Japan identifies as asexual. You remember that usually this is a term for a person whose sexual orientation is of no sex. But terms get tossed around, and this can also sometimes mean what some think of when they think androgyny.

Look, most of this is new to people, so cut them a little slack in definitions. Labels are awkward things anyway.

So Mao goes to get their (never call a person an it. If there is no gender, use they and their) bits removed. All fine and dandy. But then, as an artist and a chef, Mao decided to do a little performance piece with their piece. They offer to cook and serve the penis to the highest bidders.

Dinner time!

Dinner time!

5 people were served bits of Mao’s bits while 70 others watched. And apparently in Japan, this is completely legal, as there is no laws against cannibalism. I mean, there probably will be shortly…

I saw the pictures of the, um, delicacy and will not be reposting them (you’re welcome). You can find them here if you really want to see. But the pictures show the food cooked and served in parts with button mushrooms.

And this is what makes Mao an artist and master chef. If it were me, I would have put that thing on a hot dog bun and smothered it in chili.

You Say You Want a Resolution?

Well, 2013 is here and as I look on my facebook timeline I see friends either posting about the resolutions they’re making, how they’re not making any resolutions or how they’re sick of people making resolutions because nobody ever sticks to them anyway.



Personally, I like the tradition of making resolutions in the New Year. There’s something downright poetic about casting aside your past mistakes and hitting the reset button, only looking forward. Trying to face whatever comes as a better person.



Of course, poetry gives way to reality when you stop going to the gym after a month, have a cigarette a day later, strangle a craigslist hooker in a dirty motel room etc.



I’ve made plenty of resolutions in my past. I’ve never been able to stick with any of them so several years ago I decided to make a resolution that I could stick with and never make one again. My resolution was that every toast I’d make for the rest of my life would be “kill whitey” and with very rare exception, I’ve stuck to it and haven’t made a resolution ever since.



I miss it, though. Making New Year’s resolutions. Sure, I get to feel like I’m better than everybody else when I hear about how they broke their resolutions but I miss the little bit of excitement and hope you get from simply making them. Even if you can’t see it through you at least tried to better yourself and that has to be worth a little something, right?



This year I have decided to break my last resolution of “no more resolutions” (I’m still going to toast “kill whitey” until the day I die, though) and make resolutions this year. But rather than make one or two I’m going to go all out and make as many resolutions as I can. I’m an incredibly flawed person so there’s plenty of resolving I can do. I figure that if I try the shotgun approach, then a few of them are bound to stick.



In fact, I’ll try my damndest to actually stick to all my resolutions and will update on my 2013 resolutisplosion (first resolution, find a better name for this idea) every Monday here on youngnotions.com . Okay, here’s my resolutions –



1: Work out every day I’m not working my day job. Use all the little home exercise equipment I’ve bought for myself (I spent 25 bucks on ankle weights like 3 years ago and have only used them once).



2: No more sweets. No more cookies. No more Snickers Peanut Butter Squared. No more gas station donuts. No more giant peanut butter sandwiches right before going to bed. No more daring midnight raids of hotel snack machines when on the road (seriously you don’t know shame until the person waiting behind you sighs as you pick out your THIRD item from the vending machine).



3: No alcohol for the entire year (until New Year’s eve).



4: No playing flash games online. Sites like kongregate.com have taken up way too much free time that could have been spent writing, using some of that exercise equipment that’s gathering up dust or hanging out with my wife.



5: Actually meet all my writing deadlines for this website and my sketch comedy stuff.



6: Call my parents more often.



7: Stop biting my fingernails.



8: Leave the room if I’m at home and have to fart or at least excuse myself if I do fart rather than throw my fists up in the air and scream “YEAH!”.



9: Not wait until the internet gets shut off to take care of the Comcast bill.



10: Get more standup comedy work in 2013.



Well I think that should be enough. Check back every Monday to see how I’m doing with my “Resolution X”.



Okay, shit. that name’s even worse than “resolutisplosion”. Whatever. I’ll think of something. Resolutions start tomorrow because I’m hung the fuck over right now. Kill whitey.