I love technology. I love computers. And I absolutely love the internet. I kinda want to make out with the internet. Were it legal, I would leave Bill and marry the internet.

Let me tell you about the start of my internet romance.

Before Al Gore invented the internet, we had archaic computer communications in the form of Bulletin Board Systems (BBS). They were pretty neat. You could post messages and others could respond to them, kinda like internet forums or message boards nowadays. Only no pictures. Just text. Maybe if you were lucky, some really shitty ASCII art.

The homo erectus of the internet. According to new world creationists, this never existed.

When I was 10, I would connect to BBS via the Apple IIe and a 300 baud modem over a telephone line. I’m trying to think of a comparison for the kids, but I can’t. I would start the connection, go make myself a sandwich, eat said sandwich, wash the dish, and then maybe the computer would have connected and the Board loaded. Usually not.

I would spend all weekend on the BBS… until I discovered the internet. IT HAD PICTURES!!!!! I dropped BBS like a bad lan line connection and never looked back. I had my first website hosted on a Berkely server in 95, then moved to geocities…

Love at first site.

I have spent thousands of hours on the internet, searching every nook and corner of it. I got a programming degree and helped build some of it. I spent so much time web programming that I once wrote java script WHILE ASLEEP IN A DREAM.

Why do I bring this up? I think my son was actually fathered by the internet.

This morning, I made him eggs and toast for breakfast. I call him to the breakfast table, and he says “ERMAHGERD! ERGS ERN TERST!!!”

He commonly asks for things starting with the phrase “I CAN HAZ?”

When ever something upsets him, he says “Sad face.”

I think he considers LOLCATS pets.

HIS HAPPY FACE LOOKS JUST LIKE AN EPIC FACE!

Today he talked about his eggs and toast in ERMAHGERD, and I looked at him and said “You are a human being! YOU ARE NOT A MEME!!!” Shortly thereafter, he excused himself from the table with BRB, and then gave me a huge LOL and scurried back to his computer.

Sigh. He is JUST like his father.