Hey there girl. You’re looking a little down. I think I know the problem.
Girls like you have needs. You need to be wined and dined, you need to have sparkling conversation. You need a night to just cut loose and have fun. We can do that for you, girl.
Girls like you also need to feel like you’re doing something to help the community. I can tell by the look in your eyes that you see all these non-profit organizations around you and you want to help but you just don’t know how. We can help you with that, girl. Just relax and let us do all the work.
We see you scratching your head, girl, wondering who I’m referring to when I say “we”. That’s my wife and I, girl. The two of us want to take you out on a date. Just you and we.
Yeah, girl. That’s us with Santa and also Leah Mansfield. They won’t be coming to our date. Just you and me and my wife, girl.
This date isn’t just about fun, though. You know we want to make you happy girl but we’re also supporting HUGE Theater in their yearly ebay auction fundraiser. That’s right, girl. You can look at all the stuff they have to offer or you can just check out our date night auction here.
And you know your donation will be tax deductible girl. We know how you like those tax deductions.
And don’t worry, girl. You may be a guy who wants to go out on a date night with us and you can still bid if you’re a guy, girl. I just find it awkward to switch between male and female second person references, girl.
We’ll do anything you want. This night is all about you. We’ll take you to the finest moderately priced restaurant in town. Order anything you want, girl.
Maybe you want to just relax and watch a movie? We’ll take you to the dollar theater during matinee times, girl. You want some candy? I’ll sneak in any kind of candy you want because maybe they don’t have the kind of candy you want, girl. Also it’s like two bucks cheaper.
Seriously, girl. I know theaters make like 90% of their profits off concessions but they’re going to charge four bucks for a bag of twizzlers when I can get the same bag for 1.75 at the grocery store? That’s outrageous, girl.
We may be on a tight budget but you know we’ll show you a good time. And when the nights over and you want the good times to take a turn for the sexy, girl? That’s not going to happen.
Seriously, pretty sure that’s prostitution if we offer sex in an ebay auction so that’s out of the picture. Also, Jena said no.
There’s less than three days left in that auction, girl. Why don’t you go place a bid and have us make all your moderately priced, non sexual dreams come true.