Several years ago I directed a play for the Minnesota Fringe Festival called “Porn! Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dong”. It was a musical loosely based on Jenna Jameson’s autobiography
Get it? Loosely? Ba-Zing!
and written by my friend and fringe collaborator Mike Yanke. Here’s a phone conversation that I had with my grandma about the play that I found on my ol’ myspace blog. Enjoy!
GRANDMA: So what are you doing right now?
ME: I’m just on break right now from rehearsal.
GRANDMA: Rehearsal from what?
ME: Oh, just the Fringe play I’m-
GRANDMA: Oh, is this the play your uncle Ron was telling me about?!?
ME: Wha?
GRANDMA: Your uncle Ron called me and said Oh, Bill’s play is pornography! He said he read in the paper that there’s nudity and sex and pornography in this play! Are you doing pornography, Billy?
ME: What? No! I’m not doing a pornography! There’s no sex or nudity in this play!
GRANDMA: So youre not doing a pornography?
ME: No. I’m not… doing a pornography.
GRANDMA: Good. I think you can get arrested for doing pornography. I dont want you to go to jail.
ME: I’m not going to jail for doing this show, grandma.
GRANDMA: Well, what is this play about, then?
ME: It’s a comedy.
GRANDMA: Oh, a comedy! What’s it about?
ME: Well, it’s a comedy about pornography.
GRANDMA: Really? You can do comedy about pornography?
ME: Sort of.
GRANDMA: Is there a script?
ME: Sort of.
GRANDMA: Can I get a copy of the script to read?
ME: What? Why?
GRANDMA: Well, I think I’d like to read this script before I go see the show. So it’s not pornography and sex?
ME: No.
GRANDMA: Oh, good. I dont want to go see any pornography. (laughs) I dont even know what pornography is!
ME: Please stop saying pornography.
Thank God she never came to the show. It was all pornography.