Bill is on an airplane right now headed back to us here in the states. His magical trip to Mexico has come to an end, and this means I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow.

I don’t wanna.

After experiencing what it’s like to be a home-maker, I’m beginning to understand why getting women into the workplace has been slow going. This is the easiest gig I’ve ever had. I have the best child in the world… 11 and able to make his own goddamned bowl of cereal while mama watches her stories and eats bon-bons.  Okay fine, I don’t watch TV. Who needs TV when you have the internet?

I blame YOU for my lack of productivity.

It isn’t the job. I’m one of few people I know that loves what they do. I love fixing computers. It’s almost an obsession. Except without the almost. When Jared had his school dance, Bill and I waited patiently in the computer lab. We were told we could use the computers. Refurbished Hewlet-Packards. Which are horrible computers BTW. I don’t know what they have in their boot system, but start up takes FOREVER, and they tend to be noisier and the laptops get REALLY hot…

Look, what I’m saying is never buy an HP computer. Always buy an HP printer. This is the law.

Anyway, we’re in the computer room, and I think “hey, maybe I’ll check my internets” and so I wake the computer up and I see that there are 27  updates waiting to run, and I’m thinking “does this thing even have SP3, and I told it to run updates. I went to the next computer and started defragging. At the next computer, I deleted install files off the desktop and then started a defrg. I would have done all of them if Bill hadn’t lured me out of the computer lab with booze.

Get me really drunk and maybe I'll reformat your hard-drive.

No, I love my job. But I’m not going back. Because the past 10 days, I have been a chick. And I kinda like it. Here are some of the things I did while Bill was gone:

• I have had a spa day with my girls, letting an Arbonne consultant make my face pretty and try to sell me facial cleansers and moisturizing masks.
• Twice.
• I hostessed a party with a full-on taco bar. (It’s kind of my specialty).
• I did my nails. Which is a big deal cause I hate doing my nails.
• I did a clothing swap wherein I got a LOT of clothes, like the below.

This is me at the clothing swap yesterday. Come on!! I even look like a home-maker...

No. I’m sorry. I’m just not going back. Bill is going to have to get a job. Although, he isn’t a skilled laborer like I am, so we’ll have to cut corners. Assuming he can even find a job. The economy’s pretty rough right now.

Maybe we can live off of Bill’s income as a stand up. Stand up comedians are always paid what they’re worth, right? And there are plenty of gigs to be had. Hell I can’t think of why we didn’t do this sooner…

Oh right. Because none of that last paragraph is true. I’ll be back to work tomorrow.