Monthly Archives: December 2011

You Weirdos Will Never Stop Typing Crazy Shit Into Search Engines.

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Welcome back to the third installment of the seemingly ongoing series “The Things You Weridos Type Into Search Engines” where I take a look at the google searches that bring people to this blog. It’s one of my favorites to write and everytime I think something like “shitting while standing bad for health”can’t be topped, the next day I get “an evil sea creature for kids shark”. Let’s see what we got just in the last 30 days.


young and naive, gay and canadian
Searching for sex or the latest Bryan Adams album? Boom! Take that, Bryan Adams!


are most female gym teachers lesbians
I’m glad this person wasn’t so prejudiced that they’d ask google if ALL female gym teachers are lesbians, just most.


men playing with their uncircumcised penis
The whole uncircumcised penis thing has been a recurring theme since I did a blog about Foreskin Man but this exact wording got three hits in a week! I actually googled it, thinking the blog would show up on the first page but I couldn’t find it in the first 20 pages. Why are so many people searching so hard for this?


I can’t stop farting and it’s affecting my job and I can’t stop farting documentary
These were two different searches on two different days. I like to think that it’s the same guy. First he got fired from his job because he farted too much and then he wanted to make a movie about it.


if you are shot in the military are you still a veteran
…what? Did some veteran think his service was invalid because he was shot in the line of duty? If you’re still reading, person who typed this, yes. You’re still a veteran. I think you even get a medal of some sort. You should probably talk to a commanding officer about that.


shower, -meteor, -meteorite, -baby, -wedding, -curtain
Rock and roll! Cola wars! I can’t take it anymore!


perverted penguin drinking beer
… I don’t… what?


I could honestly do one of these every week and not run out of material.

p.s. hey other wordpress bloggers who follow me! Leave a comment with the weirdest search engine terms you’ve found in the stats! Challenge (takes off glove, slaps you in the motherfucking face with glove)!

Does Anybody Even Like This Stupid Lying Bitch?

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So the other day Michele Bachmann said if she were president, we wouldn’t have an American embassy in Iran. The US hasn’t had an embassy in Iran since 1980 but no big surprise there. Between John Wayne, Elvis, the Founding Fathers, first shots fired etc. etc. I think most of the American people have just become used to Bachmann’s constant stream of misinformed bullshit word salad. It’s like every time she has to go in front of a camera or crowd she has an aide punch her in the side of her head as hard as they can. She sounds punch drunk.


To make things even better, she’s now flat out denying that her statement was false. The balls on this woman!


From a statement from her campaign, “Congresswoman Bachmann is a member of the House Select Committee on Intelligence and is fully aware that we do not have an embassy in Iran and have not had one since 1980,” said the statement. “She was agreeing with the actions taken by the British to secure their embassy personnel and was speaking in the hypothetical, that if she was President of the United States and if we had an embassy in Iran, she would have taken the same actions as the British.”


Oh, so that’s what she meant. I guess it’s everybody else’s fault for not reading her goddamned mind.


Whatever. It’s not the first time she’s been a dumb asshole and it won’t be the last. This recent story just made me think… does anybody like her?


I know that most of the people reading this tend to be liberal but is there anybody out there who would honestly vote for Michele Bachmann? I know a few republicans and libertarians and tea partiers but I’ve never had a conversation with anybody who actually likes her.


It’s gotta be tough for the Bachmann supporter (if they exist). Constantly defending her misstatents, gaffes, hiding in bushes to spy on gay rallies, her crazy eyes.

She got crazy eyes. This isn't even a "gotcha" shot. This is like her congressional class photo.




I don’t even want somebody to try to convince me to like her, I just want to find somebody that admits they like her.


Are you out there?