The Winter Games begin on February 6 and I will not watch any of the events for two big reasons. The first is an act of ineffectual slactivist protest against Russia’s stance on homosexuality. Most people know that Russia passed a bill outlawing “exposing minors to homosexual propaganda” last summer. This sparked protests that turned violent and many gay rights activists have been beaten, arrested and even beaten by police.



While this and other laws (such as one barring foreign same sex couples from adopting Russian children) have created an atmosphere of institutionalized homophobia in Russia, it’s not the only reason to boycott the Winter Olympics this year. The other reason I won’t be watching is because the Winter Olympics are fucking stupid and boring.



Seriously. Let’s just look at some of the events that I’ll be “missing out” on this year –

The most thrilling event in the Winter Olympics is just two layers of spandex away from being a very strange gay fetish porn (which makes you wonder why Putin would even allow this event). It showcases amazing athletic feats such as laying down, being aerodynamic and turning at the right moment. The only thing that makes this event exciting is the danger of possible crashes and the Olympic Committee added several uphill portions of the tracks this year to cut down on the speed and excitement of this game.




It’s the sport that’s so boring I’m certain even the participants only enjoy it ironically, it’s the sport that’s so boring the Canadians always dominate it. It’s the sport that combines all the thrills of sweeping with the excitement of slowly gliding rocks over ice. It’s Curling!




I don’t know if cross country skiing was so boring they added rifles to jazz it up or target shooting was too exciting so they added cross country skiing to cut the fun but the result is something I really don’t want to watch.



This protest is going to be easy even by slactivist standards.