Well, this is it. I’ve had a few weeks of living on my own but come Friday I’ll have a roommate. I’m looking forward to it but there is something about the freedom of having a whole residence to yourself that I’m going to miss. I really need to cram as much solo living into the next two days as I can. Time to make a list.



-No pants shall be worn for the next two days. Completely pantless. Might as well just go nude since that will help with the next item on the list.

-Rub my balls on every door handle, drawer and faucet in the house. I better rub my balls all over the floors, couches and dining room table as well. And the remote control. And the chairs. And the walls.

-Whenever somebody has the place to themselves it’s almost automatic that they want to reenact “Risky Business” and I’m no different. So I’m going to fuck Rebecca De Mornay.

– Start a fight club in the basement. Move onto Project Mayhem.

– Try to make a fort out of the furniture I have. It won’t be easy. It’s just two couches, a dining room table and a single blanket.



Okay. Better get busy because once my roommate moves in I’ll probably have to stop rubbing my balls on everything and put some pants on. Maybe. We never discussed pants.