I’ve been biking a lot the last few months for a few reasons. It’s great exercise, it’s fun and I don’t have a car right now.

In this summer alone I’ve crashed my bike three times. The first time I ran into a 8 year old girl riding her bike on the sidewalk. It was entirely her fault. We were coming at each other so I went to the right side of the sidewalk (as one should do). She freaked the fuck out and started veering right. I went even further to the right and started saying “Go to the right! No! Your right!” and ended up in the grass three feet off the sidewalk to avoid her but it became clear to me that she was playing chicken and was out for blood. We hit each other and fell down. I asked if she was alright and she nodded, got up and stood there waiting for me to walk away. I can’t be sure but I think I heard her mutter “That’s what you get, bitch.” as I left the scene.

The second time I crashed was documented in my blog here (gory pictures included!).

The most recent crash happened a couple of weeks ago when I was coming home from the grocery store. There I was biking along minding my own business when this street curb jumped up out of nowhere right in front of me. I wheelied (spell check sez that ain’t a word. Wheelie can be a verb, right?) the front tire over but the back tire was no match for him. Once that bastard curb had his way with the tire it was bent up so bad it wouldn’t move. I fell to the side causing a few minor scrapes. I spent the next two minutes on the sidewalk on my back laughing uncontrollably because I had taken the bike into the shop twice in the last two weeks for a flat rear tire. When I brought the bike in the next day to Flanders Cycle and the guy just started laughing at me.

Even though I’ve proven to have horrible coordination on a bike but insist on riding one anyway, I have not bought a helmet for myself. There’s a few reasons for this.

1. I never grew up wearing a helmet. I biked everywhere growing up in the suburbs but this was the early to mid ’90s. A carefree, lawless time where people didn’t stop to ask questions like “why are all our children suffering horrible head injuries and how can we as a society prevent it?”.

2. They’re fucking expensive. Seriously, check it out. The cheap ones are fifty bucks. While I certainly wouldn’t want to get my skull caved in I can’t honestly say that I have over $60 worth of information stored in my brain.

3. …okay. They look stupid. I know it’s the lamest reason ever but they look stupid!

image courtesy of overcompensating.com

I’ve seriously considered getting a helmet recently because of a couple of events.  On my previous bike crash post, Jena’s friend Bob left a comment about how a helmet ended up saving his noggin after a bike crash one time.  Then I met a stranger at a bus stop downtown this weekend.   He was one of those guys that almost seems to spend time trying to look crazy.  He was wearing an army jacket even though he looked like he hasn’t served in years (if ever), a bushy beard and long, unkempt hair and giant, ’70s Hanson Brothers style glasses.

the eyewear choice of the mentally unstable (or hipsters)

I rode up to the bus stop, he looked at me and said “You should wear a helmet or you’ll end up brain damaged like me!”

Not looking to have a conversation with a complete stranger who introduced himself by telling me he has brain damage I just said “Yeah, I should.” hoping that would end it.  It didn’t.

“I got brain damaged getting hit riding my bike.  The police said it threw me 90 feet.”

Okay, crazy guy.  Now I’m curious.  “90 feet? What’d you hit, a fucking catapult?”

“No.  It was a Volkswagen.  I was in a coma for three days.  You can’t tell but they had to take out and replace part of my skull.”  You could totally tell.

He went on for another five minutes about how it’s lucky that a Volkswagen hit him because of it’s shape and the hospital in Duluth and he knew the nurse from high school and I get it!  This is the fate that awaits me!  I almost threw myself down to the ground, clutched his dirty pants and said “answer me this, spirit!  Are these things you’ve shown me, are they the shadows of things that will be, or that may be?  Men’s lives lead to certain ends but if those lives be changed will not the ends be changed?” but mostly I just hoped that we weren’t waiting for the same bus.

Thankfully we weren’t.  The next bus was his but before he got on he picked up his two paper bags full of miscellaneous garbage, looked at me and said “remember to get that bike helmet.”

I will, spirit!  I will!