State Fair season is nigh upon us, bringing rigged carnival games, nauseating rides, contests about the biggest animal or vegetable that nobody gives a shit about and most importantly, food. Disgusting, calorie crammed unimaginable food that should never be deep fried but is always deep fried. Food that most people would be ashamed to eat alone in their homes but will gladly shovel into their mouths in front of thousands of other fairgoers because it’s okay. It’s the State Fair.

At the Minnesota State Fair you can start your day with breakfast options like the Scotch Egg (hardboiled egg, wrapped in sausage, breaded, deep fried and served with sauces like ranch dressing or maple syrup) or the Fudge Puppy (waffle covered in chocolate, whipped cream or sprinkles). For lunch you can have a Foot Long Corndog and wash it down with a Mashed Potato Sundae. For dinner you can just grab a bucket of Sweet Martha’s Cookies, plop up to the All the Milk You Can Drink booth and wonder why the rest of the world thinks America is filled with gluttonous assholes.

While I thought the Minnesota State Fair was paving the way for turning us all into that guy from the movie “Seven”, it turns out the New York State Fair has made a breakthrough in culinary assisted suicide with the new Donut Burger. When I first heard about it I wondered if it was a burger flavored donut or a donut flavored burger? Turns out it’s a Bacon Cheesburger in between two slices of grilled, glazed Donut. Eat that thing and you’ve just downed 1,500 calories or nearly three Big Macs (Big Macs are the standard unit of fatass food measurment).

I don’t know what is sadder, the fact that something like this exists or that I’d totally eat it.