costumes | YoungNotions

Yesterday, we focused on the more sexist and racist and generally offensive costumes. Today, we will focus on the “what the Hell are they thinking?” costumes.

Like the 80’s. The entire decade was pretty much a WTF decade. Sure, I grew up in them, and I loved my childhood. Which is why this attack on my childhood is so painful.

From the books I read:

To my educational programming:

To my cuddly happy cartoons:

To my adventure action figures:

To my goddamned video games:

Note the name “Sexy Red Plumber Costume.” Nintendo is currently my favorite for not allowing them to use the name.

It’s like my entire childhood was molested and forced to star in a shitty porn. And you think your precious Ninja Turtles are safe?

Raphael was rude and decided not to appear in my post.

Oh hey- anyone else notice that the last “costume” isn’t even a costume? Apparently, wearing a tank dress that barely covers your ass is the new thing in “costuming.” Damnit- back in my day, we made costumes out of cardboard boxes and duct tape, and we spent hours painting them to look like actual transformers or lego people. When the hell did we decide that THIS:

become a costume? Or a dress, now that I think about it… I’m kinda contemplating buying them as shirts.

Nerds not your thing? Have a large group? How about a bag of blowpops?

Candy not your thing? You could be breakfast:

Or you could give up all pretense:

Look, I honestly don’t care if you dress as a sexy whatever. It makes you feel pretty? Have at. My complaint isn’t sexy women walking around in next to nothing. I’m kinda for it. My complaint is the lack of creativity and out right costume in many of these costumes. Dressing up slutty just to dress slutty doesn’t really do it for me. It doesn’t say Halloween costume to me. It says “dressing slutty which is a thing I can do any day of the year.” Put a little more effort into your costume. Put a little thought into it. Make me think you use your brain, too. Because brains are sexy as hell.

I was unable to find a sexy brain Halloween costume. Shame. I would buy the hell out of that.

Halloween is right around the corner. And you know what that means?

Time for horribly made, horribly offensive, and horribly wrong sexy Halloween costume shopping!!! Ladies, I did all the footwork this year so you don’t have to. And by footwork, I mean I went to exactly ONE website. One that was posted to my Facebook feed by alert reader Seth. Actually, I’m not sure he reads this blog. And he can be kind of distracted sometimes, but overall, I guess he’s pretty alert…

So, because fairly alert maybe reader Seth posted this one website, I spent over an hour perusing the site, and gathering only the best of the worst of what www.yandy.com had to offer. I should add that I’ve not only posted the pictures, but they all link back to their purchase page. Also, if you hover over the pictures, you get the awful names for each outfit (“Deluxe Combat Camo Chick” will totally kick your ass unless she chips a nail first).

You’re welcome.

So, the above starts us off with the standard “sexy occupation” costumes. There were far more than the above, way more than I could post here. I actually had many more tabs open with many more occupations, but then my internet browser crashed and I had to restart my computer. That is a true story- there were so many. There were also a lot of “sexy school girls”:

In fact, there’s an entire section of them. I understand the appeal… It’s a pretty easy costume to pull off, and it’s pretty much guarenteed to get you laid if you so choose. In fact, I’ve done it before. It’s how I got to know my BabyDaddy. Show up to a cast party for RenFest in a schoolgirl outfit, and return the following year with a 2 month old infant.

Speaking of RenFest, we could redo the Renaissance Festival in “sexy Renaissance” costumes…

…especially those belly dancing gypsies…

…but quite frankly, our costumes are already pretty damn sexy, and WAY better put together. Also, I’m not entirely sure anyone would notice the difference.

Speaking of, did you know that Gypsy is actually a derogatory term for the Romani people? It’s true! So not only were those above costumes slutty, but they were also racist. LEt’s marginalize women AND stereotype minorities at the same time!!! And… GO!

1) I would have put the Maid costume here as well, since usually they’re listed as “French Maid”, but they didn’t do so on here. You get a pass this time, Yandy.
2) Naughty Vodka Geisha Girl? Are you kidding me? SAKE, for crying out loud. If you’re going to do it, at least stick with the same country, assholes.

Religion also get touched on frequently, but I was surprised that Yandy didn’t have any sexy nuns. I was not surprised, but still disappointed, that they didn’t have any sexy Rabbis. However, I do feel the need to point out one particular “sexy religion” costume:

Yes, the witch is a religious figure. I know, I’m a Christian, and therefore I’m supposed to find anything not Christian as Devil Worship. Well, let me break another stereotype for you… I don’t. In fact, some of my best friends are Wiccan. It’s a lovely set of beliefs, many of which (not witch) revolve around nature. In fact, their calendar is based off of the sun, moon, stars.. and their positions in the sky.

Samhain, on October 31st, is the Gaelic Pagan festival celebrating the summer’s end. Halloween, or All Hallow’s Eve, is commonly thought to have its roots in Samhain. Thus why the sexy witch is such a common Halloween costume. But let me dis-spell this stereotype right now: some witches are sexy. And some witches are not.

But mostly, they’re sexy. I mean, look at them: