It’s been a hard fought road, full of postcards, debates that were probably aired on public access or something, endorsements from state Senators and three separate sex scandals but the time is finally here. The time for local elections.
Frankly, I can’t wait for this political season to be over. All the mudslinging, the accidental twitter nude pics, the attack ads will all be behind us. There’s only one problem. I have no idea who to vote for in the race for city council! Now, I know that they’re all shapeshifting lizards from Mars that want nothing more than to drink the blood of babies but what’s their stance on mixed recycling Let’s take a look at the websites of the four candidates on the ballet for my ward, ward 10.
Lisa Bender
Her website says she’s for vibrant neighborhoods, safe streets and a sustainable city. She’s got a ton of endorsements, including one by state senator Jeff Hayden and you do not want to piss off state senator Jeff Hayden –
Jesus!
Meg Tuthill
Meg is our current city councilor. She likes great neighborhoods, economic opportunities and a green Minneapolis (I only read the highlighted words in the “about” section of their website. I told a door knocker I’d probably vote for her just to get him off my porch but it’s probably going to be a toss up between her and Lisa Bender.
Nate Griggs
For all you need to know about Nate Griggs, just check out his website –
Oh shit there are candidates who are anti Indiana Jones? They didn’t mention that in their websites at all! That’s it, this guy’s got my vote.
Scott Hargarten
Not much is known about Scott Hargarten except that he belongs to the “Pirate Party” which actually is probably way more boring than it sounds. They favor “liquid” or direct democracy and looking at their website it seems that they have beers at their party meetings so now I’m probably going to vote for this guy.
Who do I vote for??? The worst part is the door knocker for Meg Tuthill said that I can put my favorite three candidates on the ballot for some reason! So I don’t get to pick my favorite, I have to pick my least favorite!
Voting’s hard. I should just commit a felony so I don’t have to worry about this anymore.