So I was doing my morning search of the internets for news stories I could make funny-ish comments on when I saw a story on MSNBC with the headline “Mom dives out 5th-floor window to save falling toddler.”

That’s a badass headline. I clicked on the link and fully prepared for a story where a toddler somehow opens a window and falls out. The mother, seeing this, immediately dives out after him. She straightens out her body and pulls her limbs in close to catch up with the falling child, grabs him and does one of those parkour rolls onto the ground. Having absorbed all the impact, she lays there with several broken bones and when the somebody runs up to help she looks at them and the first thing she says would be “is my baby alright? Before she passes out the child crawls up and says his first word. That word is ‘mama'”.

Badass.

Also, not the case.

Once I read the story I found out that when the baby fell out, he fell down to the 4th floor balcony (just one floor below). The mom then jumped down to help her baby because running down the stairs and knocking on your neighbor’s door and saying “Oh hey my baby’s out on your balcony because I like to keep windows open on my 5th floor apartment with toddlers running around” takes way too much time. She broke her ankle and the baby bruised his head. Both are currently being treated for a hereditary strain of stupidity.

Not what I was expecting at all with that headline but I guess “Mom, child fall 8 feet. Slightly hurt. Very stupid.” just doesn’t pop.