I know. You come here every noontime looking for funnies, and Bill has been unable to post. It’s sad.

So let me tell you a story. Grab your cocoa, and nestle in. I know I’m no Bill Young, but maybe I can distract you until he gets back.

When Bill and I started dating, we would go to each other’s shows. One night fairly early on, I went to the Corner Bar to see Bill perform. I got there a little early. I had a smoke, then I went to sit down atthe bar.

A guy across the bar is looking at me. Sometimes I forget that people use bars for meeting others (the only time I go to bars is to support shows, or karaoke). And I am looking extra pretty for my guy tonight… but currently alone, looking around the room. Well, there will either be a scene or it won’t, but either way, it will pass the time.

Not 5 minutes after I sit at the bar and get my cherry coke, the guy across the
way walks over. I will call him Fraternal, because he looks like the type of person
who was a frat boy, not out of peer pressure, but because his personality simply
couldn’t be more at home anywhere else. And when I say looks like… he doesn’t
have a football player build. kinda scrawnier, but with the gobs of charm and
playful guy-ness that tends to get the girls and dominate the guys.

But I was a sorority girl. I can repeat the greek alphabet faster than most boys
can chug a beer. I’ve done the dance, and am weary of it. And boy, for as much
charm as you have, you are still trying to pick up chicks at a bar… I think I’ll skip
the drunken sex tonight, thanks.

The following may not be word for word accurate, but it is pretty close.

Fraternal: May I sit here?
Me: Sure
Fraternal: You looked lonely. You’re too beautiful to be alone.
Me: I’m waiting for the show.
Fraternal: You waiting for the show or the band leader? Are you a groupie?
Me: (laughs) Groupie. I like that. Yes, I am a groupie. Only, it’s not a band- it’s
comedy. you should come see it.
Fraternal: That’s not really my thing. I don’t get into jokes.
Me: But you must know jokes. Tell me a joke.
Fraternal: Nope, I can’t do it. I get it all messed up. A guy went to a bar, and then
he did something.
Me: All you need is a punch line.
Fraternal: Really, I just wanted to get to know you. How do I do that?
Me: I’m a very open person. You can ask me anything.
Fraternal: How old are you?

-I interrupt this intellectually engaging narrative to cut out the more boring parts,
like my age. He works near where I do, I smell nice, and he spends a lot of time
trying to convince me that he is a better human being than my gentleman friend.
He is actually a very pleasant person to talk to, except for the part where he
discredits my intelligence by repeatedly insisting that he’s a better catch than the
one I’m waiting for.-

Fraternal: (attempts to put his arm around me)
Me: (grabs by the wrist and places between us) This belongs over here.
Fraternal: (twisting to grab my hand) I didn’t mean..
Me: (grabbing my soda with both hands) I know. And I am letting you know that
your hands belong over there.
Fraternal: Seriously. What does this guy have that I don’t have?
Me: Well, he can tell a joke.