Several years ago I was at a drive-in theater with a friend and his future wife playing third wheel. At one point my friend was out getting drinks or something and his then-girlfriend started choking on some gummy bears. I promptly gave her the Heimlich and the gummies shot from her mouth. She said “Holy shit, Bill! You saved my life! How can I thank you?”



I made a very eloquent speech about how firefighters and teachers are the real heroes and then told her and her now-husband that if they wanted to thank me that they just need to name their firstborn child after me.



They thought I was joking. I wasn’t. They’ve had two children since then, one girl who I’m lucky to be the godfather of and one great little boy. Neither of them are named Bill (You can totally name a girl Billie!).



It’s okay. Thinking of it, it was silly to ask that of someone but I’m worried I’ll never be able to pass my name on. I can’t have children ever since my Vas Deferens were lasered off in the Secret Alien War and I’m years away from discovering the formula for the perfect poop joke. Having something live on in my name is a chance to have a real legacy which is why when a local comedian posted on facebook that she was looking for suggestions on what to name her Dog I suggested that Bill Young would be a great name for a dog.



Other people have weighed in and it looks like Bill Young is neck-and-neck with some bullshit name like Roscoe or something but you can help!



If you are facebook friends with Kait you can leave a comment on the thread here saying that Bill Young would be a great name for a dog.



Not facebook friends with her? That’s fine! I shared the photo of the dog on my facebook page(scroll down a li’l bit until you see the pic of the puppy) and tagged her so you can comment there and she’ll see it.



Now, she never said this was a democratic process but I’m hoping that we can overwhelm her with public opinion and she’ll name her dog Bill Young.



My name will live on and finally when somebody farts in a room they can blame it on Bill Young and not be talking about me.