In what’s actually considered a news story in Bemidji MN, MSNBC reports that the town is considering changing the name of Stoner Avenue due to the fact that it’s street signs are stolen several times a year. In an actual quote from the article, it states “It’s believed the thieves are likely teens or young people who use the term stoner to describe someone who smokes marijuana” leading me to believe the article was written by a 60 year old man in a brown suit who uses words like “doobie” without irony.

The city is considering changing the name to something that is less likely to be stolen, forcing the young doobie tokers of Bemidji to show their love of marijuana other ways like listening to Sublime or shopping at Spencer Gifts. I don’t know if they’re accepting submissions but here are some of my ideas for the new street name.

Bongwater Trail
420th St.
Bob Marley Memorial Highway
Synching Up Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz Avenue
Cypress Hill
Woody Harrelson Way

I don’t know who to submit to but I’m sure I’ll find some email address on http://www.ci.bemidji.mn.us/ . Wish me luck!