I spent three nights camped out in the Stand Up! Records party room at CONvergence performing, checking out other shows and parties, hanging out with friends and seeing costumes that ranged from amazing to downright disturbing.

Gonna get so much pussy this weekend with my sweet Gollum costume!

One thing I’m glad I checked out was the vendor room.  Vendors from all over the country were selling nerdy stuff like games, books, comics and weapons.  There were two different weapons vendors in the room selling stuff like ninja swords, knives and brass knuckles.  After seeing these, I decided that I’m going to ask Con to let me run a panel next year called “Why You Nerds Don’t Need Brass Knuckles”.  Here’s a few of the topics I’ll touch on.

1:  Brass Knuckles are for people who get into fights.  You’re an adult and, more specifically, a nerd.  You’re probably not going to get into a fight on your smartcar drive from your job at Geek Squad to the game shop.

2.:  Nerds are the last people on Earth who should be wearing brass knuckles.  Nerds are socially inept, have short tempers and love to play games with complicated rules.  This would normally be a volatile combination but most nerds are physically  unintimidating.   Now, with Brass Knuckles, a rules lawyering argument about D&D has now turned to a trip to  the ER with a broken jaw.

3.  Brass Knuckles are shitty weapons anyway.  They require you to know how to throw a punch to begin with, they extend your reach by half and inch and the pointy ones probably hurt to carry around in your pocket. The only weapon brass knuckles beats is no weapon. If you’re getting mugged by a guy with a gun you’re not going to be glad you have your trusty knuckle dusters on you. Hell, even in River City Ransom the only use for them was to throw at somebody with a better weapon.

Cory's barfing because he thought his Brass Knuckles were any match for Dragon Feet

4:  They’re probably illegal anyway.  weaponsuniverse.com has over 19 minutes of instructional videos that start with the disclaimer “You should not use Brass Knuckles because most likely you could have problems with law enforcement” and then go on for nearly twenty minutes about why you should and how you can use them as weapons. They even go as far to say how they disguise them as belt buckles and paperweights just so they can sell them to you.

Look for my panel next year!