Hello, people who came to this blog via The Stranger! If you’re new to the site (i.e. not a friend, family member or person I forced one of my business cards on after a show) let me tell you about what we do around here. My name is Bill and I’m a part time comedian / full time housewife. I usually blog here once a day about stupid news stories, semi autobiographical bullshit, shameless plugging of my shows, fake detective stories and only the highest caliber of classy, cerebral political satire available on the internet.

Now that we got that out of the way, here’s some pictures of republican presidential candidates fellating food.

Careful, Rick. Those sticks have pointy tips.

Okay, I’ll admit this is a cheap shot.  Gov. Perry is at the Iowa State Fair, you can’t go to a State Fair without picking up a corn dog and it’s impossible to eat one of those things without looking like you’re auditioning for a ticket on the Bangbus.  Sure, you could eat it from the side but then it might fall off the stick so it’s really just best to dive in.  Besides, it doesn’t really look that much like you’re actually giving a blow job when you’re eating a corndog and HELLO…

The wry smile on the man in the lower left corner is priceless.

Here’s Rep. Michele Bachmann also at the Iowa State Fair showing Perry how shit gets DONE.  Seriously.  Who conducted the straw poll this year, Vivid?

Again, these are low blows.  It’s impossible to eat one of those things without looking a little porny but Bachmann looks like she’s trying to prove a point or something.

Well, I think that’s it so… wait a minute.  Santorum!

Seriously?  Soft Serve?  Shit like this is why you finished 4th.  Man up and have a corn dog.

In all honesty I’m going to have to make sure there’s no cameras around next time I dive into a kielbasa if I ever want to run for office.