`Perverts are a problem all over the world. They leer, they ogle, they stare and sometimes they grope. Women have been forced to deal with pervs ever since “no” was invented and recently some crafty mind in China came up with a new way to handle them.







Well, they work. My boner’s gone.



The stockings, which were shared on a Chinese social network site and found by HuffPo are probably more of a novelty gift and probably won’t be the new fashion rage but I think they’re way off the mark. Not because they perpetuate a culture where the victims of sexual assault are considered the responsible parties and should cover themselves up if they don’t want to get attacked. I’m worried that if they catch on they’ll create super-pervs.



That’s right. Super pervs.



Pervs are just like any living thing. They evolve. The world is facing a huge crisis right now because certain bacteria like Tuberculosis are becoming resistant to antibiotics. The same thing can happen with pervs.



Think about it. If most women who were frequent targets of pervs start wearing hair stockings, the pervs won’t go away. They’ll just find new targets for leering and then those women will start wearing hair stockings and eventually all women are wearing them.



Not only is this gross but it doesn’t solve the problem. The pervs don’t just die off with nothing to stare at. They’ll evolve and eventually hairy legs are the biggest fetish among pervs and now I can’t wear shorts in public anymore.



Goddamn pervs.