Went to bed with a bit of a tickle in my throat and woke up this morning with a full blown cold. Sore throat, fever, all that jazz. I was going to run a lot of errands and do some chores today but now all I can do is rest up…

rest up, find out who did this to me and have my revenge.

POSSIBLE SUSPECTS:

Brody – He was getting over a cold last week when we worked together but I don’t remember eating off his plate or making out with him. He was also on the tail end of the cold and I think you’re less contagious towards the end (I actually have no evidence to back that up but I heard it a few times so it works for me).

Jena – She hasn’t been sick recently but I do share a lot of kisses and such with her (it’s okay. We’re married. God approves).

Last Week’s Audience I ended up shaking hands with a lot of filthy mall people (no offense if you were in the crowd last week. I’m not talking about you).

The Government It may just be the fever talking but I am a pretty high profile target and they now have me right where they want me. In my underwear with a sheet wrapped around me. They think they can weaken me with the way they put corn syrup in everything but I know better! YOU CAN’T FOOL ME, G-MEN!

I’m going to nap now. For more information on the government, consult a screaming homeless man.