If You Literally Mess With the Bull, You Literally Get the Horns.

The San Fermin festival occurs this weekend in Pamplona, Spain and it’s famous 8 day “Running of the Bulls” is already underway.  MSNBC reports that on day 2, an Australian man was gored in the leg. While injury isn’t uncommon in the dumbest sport in the world, this guy got gored at the end of the sprint by taunting the bull in the bullring and then slipping and falling down. I think at this point the bull gored him merely on principal.

The man will, thankfully, live and sadly, probably not learn from his mistake and be one of those idiots that isn’t going to let this stop him from coming back next year. While I’m glad the guy won’t die, I’m also glad that the bull was able to get in it’s licks. What some people don’t know is that the bulls that run are the same bulls in the bullfights that night. Anybody feeling sorry for the guy who got gored can rest assured that the bull was sentenced to death buy multiple sword stabbings in an arena surrounded by thousands of screaming bullfighting fans. Supporters say it’s cool, though because it’s, like, totally artful and cultural and stuff.

While I’m no fan of bullfighting, I do like the idea of the running of the bulls. It’s like giving them a shot at revenge. Like if you had a bunch of turkeys have a cagematch with a farmer on Thanksgiving or a chicken got to hide some babies on Easter. Sure, turkeys are notoriously bad wrestlers and babies are a lot easier to find than eggs because of all that crying but it’s the gesture that counts.

PETA, however, does not seem to care for the bullfighting or the running. In fact, they’ve set up a yearly protest for the two days before the festival called The Running of the Nudes. I immediately looked up their website… out of journalistic curiousity alone. While I was expecting this

The men of Pamplona didn’t run quite as fast when chased by a naked Eva Mendes
 
I instead, got this
 
Translated, I believe that sign reads “Try jacking off to this, pervo!”
 
 
Goddamnit, PETA.  I was expecting that scene from “The Meaning of Life” and you give me the inside of Vincint D’Onofrio’s mind from “The Cell”?  Not cool, PETA.  Not cool.
 
While my feelings are mixed on the whole event, good luck to the runners and the bulls and have a happy festival in honor of San Fermin, patron saint of fucking with animals!                                                           

2 thoughts on “If You Literally Mess With the Bull, You Literally Get the Horns.

  1. Being a doctor, I’m not generally one to enjoy comedy. My life is serious business and I like my entertainment to reflect that, but the machinations of Bill Young have brought joy to my brain and tears to my heart.

    I would also like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of those patients I molested. Open heart surgery just really gets my blood pumping. That’s a reason, not an excuse. Unless you think that it’s a good excuse, because then it is.

    I love you,
    Doctor Pete

    PS I’m performing surgery right now. I’m also drunk.

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