Jared lost a tooth yesterday (baby tooth.  He’s 10 and not a methhead).  Since Jen was sick she texted me while I was at an open mic that she was going to sleep and I was to play the role of the Tooth Fairy when I got home.  Now, the kid’s 10.  He knows there’s no Tooth Fairy.  He hasn’t said anything, most likely, out of fear that his only source of income will cease.  I’d love to tell him the truth and just say “Listen.  There’s no Tooth Fairy.  I’ll still give you a dollar for every tooth you lose because adults liquefy them and inject the liquid into our hearts to slow the aging process.” but he needs to initiate that conversation.

Unless, of course, he catches the Tooth Fairy scam in the act.

I’m not going to lie, this was my first Tooth Fairy gig.  I did my best to make this a covert operation but I may have been a little overconfident.  I’ve stated in the past that we live in an old house and that means creaky floors.  That’s okay, I just took it slow.  Once I found myself within arm’s reach of the pillow I pulled the dollar out and held it in my left hand and reached under the pillow with my right.

Looking back, I have no clue as to why I thought having the dollar at the ready was a good idea.  Was I going to pull some Indiana Jones switcheroo so he wouldn’t notice?

I searched around under the pillow but no tooth was found.  Did it get shuffled somewhere else on the bed?  Was it under the part of the pillow his head was on?  I slowly made my way to the end of the pillow when Jared snapped awake as if a fucking gun went off in the room.  His head swung left until his eyes met mine, a look of shock and horror on his face.

With my right hand under his pillow and my left hand holding up a dollar bill I looked him in the eyes and said “…I guess you’re old enough to learn there’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy”.

He didn’t move.  His expression didn’t change.

“I mean… this is all a dream!  You’re sleeping!  Sleeeepiiiing.” I shoved the dollar under his pillow and ran out of the room.

All in all, I think I got this step parenting thing down.