Rep Anthony Weiner finally decided to resign from his post in Congress today. It was the right thing to do. Being pervy is bad enough but lying about it makes you untrustworthy. Most jobs wouldn’t urge you to quit if you were sexting a porn star (sorry, “featured dancer”) but when you’re in the position to help shape the direction of this country, it’s only fair that you’re held to a higher standard. It’s a shame because he was one hell of a politician. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTlhFr1KYSU&w=560&h=349].

So what else is in the news this week?

Oh fuck Michele Bachmann is running for fucking president? Why can’t she leave people alone? If only there was a legitimate reason for her to resign…

I now know what I must do. I must seduce Michele Bachmann.

It won’t be easy. I’ll have to bump into her “by chance” hanging out at a city where she mistakenly thought a revolutionary war battle happened. Perhaps our hands will touch behind the bushes as we stake out a gay rights march. She’ll catch a whiff of my cologne and ask what that intoxicating scent is. “Eau de O’Reilly” I’ll respond. I’ll get close to her as deviants all around us try to destroy marriage and whisper into her ear that I’ve always thought if the founding fathers hated taxation without representation, what would they think of representation with taxation?

We’ll see each other again, at the Arizona/Mexico border, a klan rally, whatever. We’ll start emailing back and forth about secret muslims when she’ll ask if I want to see a picture of what the founding fathers fought for.

Nah, that’d never work. She’d probably find a way to blame flourescent light bulbs on the whole deal.