Chris Maddock Saved My Life in Africa

Comedian and Humanitarian Chis Maddock is taping his stand up album tonight at the 7th St. Entry (clicky for City Pages A List article). While his comedy alone is reason enough to go out to his show tonight, I feel you should know something about Chris Maddock.

He saved my life in Africa.

I was in the jungles of Gabon, filming a segment for my inexplicably well funded public access wildlife show called “The Inexplicably Well Funded Public Access Wildlife Show” when I heard a rustling in the bushes behind me. I beckoned the cameraman to follow me as I wildly hacked away at the foliage with my machete. I looked into the camera and asked out loud “what animals are we going to find out here?”, sincerely not knowing what animals were native to the region, or anything about animals at all.

In addition to being well funded the show was horribly cast.

I blindly swung my machete and hit the arm of a big, hairy beast that I had no information about. I was later told it was a Silverback Gorilla.

The beast let out a mighty howl and charged at my cameraman and I. Paralyzed by fear, I watched as the Gorilla dashed the camera and cameraman against a tree, destroying any evidence to this encounter and any witnesses that might back me up. I fell to the ground, trembling. As I thought what I thought was going to be my last thought, which was “My last thought is seriously ‘Oh shit I’m gonna die'” a voice cried out “Hey!”.

The Gorilla stopped and turned to see Chris Maddock walk out of the mist (I should’ve mentioned it was pretty misty). A bottle of beer in hand, Chris chugged what was left and broke the bottle against a tree, fashioning a crude knife for himself. “He killed the cameraman!” I shouted, feeling guilty I never bothered to learn the cameraman’s name.

“His dominance has been questioned amongst the troop.” Chris pointed to a couple of female Gorillas in the distance, whispering to each other in grunts and giving disapproving looks to the Silverback. “He’ll kill us both if we don’t assert it fully. Follow my lead!”. I got up and stood next to Chris, mimicking his movements. Puffing out my chest and beating against it. Grunting loudly. Amazingly, the Gorilla backed down and shrunk away. I grabbed Chris by the shoulders and cried “It worked! For a second I thought you were going to knife fight him!”

“Real strength comes from not using violence when you know you can.”

“You saved my life! Wait, what are you even doing out here?”

“I’m on a Tribble run. I did a show in Libreville last night and I’m in Butte, MT tomorrow and Friday. I didn’t have a show tonight so I thought I’d camp out in the jungle. Save some cash rather than pay for a hotel an extra night.” We parted ways and I never saw him again.

Every now and then I’d see a story in the paper about a child saved from a fire in Aberdeen, SD or a gang war in Central Michigan that ended peacefully in a mutual ceasefire and I knew Chris was still out there, working the road.

So go see the folk hero Chris Maddock tonight at the First Ave. 7th St. Entry. You’ll be glad you did.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *