CNN reported yesterday that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg only eats what he kills, stating that “It’s easy to take the food we eat for granted when we can eat good things every day” and that he’s eating healthier and learning a lot about sustainable farming. While some may just see this as the next logical step of Farmville, I think it’s pretty ballsy to look a pig in the eye and give them the ultimate de-friending. This, however, is only the beginning.

Guys like Zuckerberg thrive on challenge and walking up to domesticated animals and slitting their throats is going to get boring for him real quick. Soon he will likely take to the woods Ted Nugent style with a bow, face covered in war paint. The thrill of the chase will keep him satiated for a while but there’s no real danger in shooting a deer from 50 paces. In a year’s time he’ll probably be leaping down from tree branches onto grizzly bears with a knife between his teeth.

Will that be enough for him? Let’s hope so because the only place to go after that is to hunt the deadliest game of all. Man. Once Mr. Zuckerberg tastes human flesh there’s no turning back. He will become a Wendigo, growing in size and power with every person he consumes. Never satisfied, always hungry, eating more and more people. He’ll basically become a literal human embodiment of Facebook.

Some will say that deep in the woods you’ll hear an inhuman howl in the distance late at night. That howl is the Wendigo Zuckerberg, searching endlessly for more “friends”.