Happy Towel Day! To celebrate the life of Douglas Adams, I have a towel wrapped tightly around my neck, slowly cutting off the blood to my brain as I write this blog.

To day also marks Oprah’s last broadcast. As a housewife, I’m legally obligated to watch Oprah every day while alternately using a thigh master and eating bonbons. I’m sad to see Oprah go and I’ve learned so much from her over the years. Lessons such as

– Incest is creepy
– Tom Cruise is creepy
– Michael Jackson was creepy
– I should read every book Bill Cosby’s ever written.

We’ll miss you, Oprah and I’ll always regret never being in your studio audience to receive one of your awesome gifts.