This week, members of the Russian punk performance collective Pussy Riot were beaten and whipped by Russian Cossacks while protesting in Sochi. You may remember Pussy Riot as the punk band that went to jail for nearly two years because they tried to film a video in a church. They were released early in what members straight up said was a PR stunt by Putin leading up to the Sochi games.

Pussy Riot’s protest and subsequent beat down has shined an even bigger light on the troubling state of human rights and freedoms in Russia but this latest incident, which was well photographed, has raised even more questions. Questions like –



What the fuck is a “Cossack”?
I’ve heard it before and it sounds like something from Czar times over there. The dictionary term doesn’t help me at all –

It should say “bellhops in fezes that walk around with whips” judging by the picture.



Also, what the fuck is with the whips?
Seriously? Whips? Are these guys cops? Do they give cops whips over there? Did they sell all their guns and batons to the Syrian government and only have whips left? Who uses whips? That’s some Indiana Jones shit.



Has nobody else seriously made the “pussy whipped” joke?
When I typed the title for today’s blog I thought “Nah, there’s got to be, like, a million jokes about that right now” but I googled it and found nothing. I figured it would be a picture meme at this point. There’s gotta be something. I can’t be the first. That fruit is hanging way too low.



Though there are a lot of questions, it’s quite clear that it’s insane the Olympics are being held in Sochi. Fuck Putin.

Well here we are. I haven’t done a single blog this week and now my back’s up against a wall and forced to do one on Valentine’s Day as a divorced guy.







For five years Valentine’s Day was a breeze. You just shower your loved one with affection. As a single guy there’s so much ambiguity with Valentine’s Day. Frankly I’m happily single but with all the advertisement, sad single people shouting how Valentine’s Day is a bullshit corporate holiday just to hide their sadness etc. I really feel like I need to do something. I can’t simply ignore the holiday. I need to make some sort of declaration so here we go.



I know we’ve only been together a short time but every time with you I need to touch you, taste you. I never thought I could feel this way again but I want to be with you every day. I… love you. I love you, Cookie Dough Oreos




…okay that actually sounded way sadder than I thought it would.



Happy Valentine’s Day, fuckers!

Hey, friends! Here’s what I’ll be doing the next few days, jokewise! Come up and see me sometime!

TONIGHT!
I’ll be performing at The Benefit For Saint Mae Reinfeld. Mae is a friend of mine that got into a car accident and now has a bunch of medical bills to take care of. Other funny folks like Shannon Thompson and Patrick Bauer will also be doing jokes and awesome bands like The Drug Budget, Rapedoor, Trendy Trendy Space Vegans & The United Teachers of Music will be performing as well! There will be prizes auctioned as well and if you can’t make it out but still want to help Mae, you can donate online here!. Doors are at 7PM at Club Underground in NE Minneapolis



TOMORROW NIGHT!
Young and Fearless: A Day at the Courthouse will be happening at the Bryant-Lake Bowl in Uptown at 10PM! It’s a sketch comedy show made from submissions from different writers from around the twin cities and will also have some stand up from Joshua Florhaug and Lainie Lenertz. This is the fifth show in the series and the shows have been getting bigger and better every time. Come check it out!



NEXT WEEK:
I’ll be featuring at the House of Comedy all week for Jen Kober! Tickets and showtimes here!

Actual humorous content to resume tomorrow!