Hey, there, open mic comics and Jena’s Ren Fest friends! Sorry about the lack of blogs in the last month but I’m back to a twice a week schedule starting next week and I thought I’d mark my return with a very important announcement! I’m going to murder my friends!



See, a while back a group of my friends from lunch money days started playing Settlers of Catan. I had never played the game before but really got into it right away and played it with them a few times on game night. This has been going on for a while but due to everybody having different work schedules and family obligations, we haven’t had a night where all five of us could get together and play the expansion. Tonight, however, we’ve all made sure that our schedule was clear so we could have a couple of games with the whole group.

It’s become a little tradition among us. Some games, some snacks, some beers, and some pre-game smack talk to get the blood pumping. Now, I’m not one to shit talk an opponent to try to psych them out but I will say this: I am going to humiliate these fuckers so bad that they will either die of shame induced heart attacks or commit a very well deserved suicide.



I hope you’re reading this Ben, Tony, Josh and Brian because you should spend the day getting your affairs in order. I will beat you so hard at Settlers of Catan you will fucking die. You will fall over dead at the table and I will squeeze out a little pinch of victory poo on your stupid dead loser faces.



Oh, but it doesn’t end there.



I’ll attend each of your funerals and tell everybody about the pathetic, humiliating circumstances of your demise. The once somber mourners will laugh and laugh in your face. I’ll bed your wives at the funeral and your mothers at the wake. Your children will grow up pariahs, the name they were given now synonymous with failure and shame. They’ll eventually band together and seek me out for revenge but they shall fall just as you did when they were pups and the cycle shall continue.



I am going to eat your fucking hearts.