Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain in my left cheek right around the area where my wisdom tooth that should have been removed years ago sits. The tooth is now broken, just hanging out in my mouth and sending periodic signals of pain to my brain because fuck me.



Toothaches are no joke and can can sometimes fucking kill you if an infection goes untreated but at the moment I can’t afford to go to a dentist so here’s some alternatives I’ve come up with in my sleep deprived stupor.



Tie a string to one end, tie the other end of a string to a doorknob and slam the door shut
Honestly I’ve only ever heard about this in movies and comic books from the ’50s and I’m not sure if this would work for me because my teeth are pretty close together. Would floss work? Seems like floss would break.



Go to biker bar, find the toughest looking guy there, offer detailed and graphic explanation of how I have made aggressive sex on his mother, present left cheek
This one might not work for two reasons:
1. He might not stop with the face punching.
2. What if instead of getting mad and punching me he just gets hurt and cries? Now my tooth still hurts and I feel bad for insulting this guy’s mother.




This is another one I’ve only seen in old movies and comics. Why did they do that? I seriously don’t know. Maybe it was to hold an ice pack in place or something?







Well, until the world comes up with some way to search for questions on various topics I guess I’ll just be in the dark about the headwrap thing.