I love The Princess Bride. It’s my all time favorite movie ever. It’s the movie I watch when I’m sick. The one I turn to when I need a distraction. The movie I can quote up and down, and sideways. I remember when my dad brought us kids out to see it at the MIA theater. I still own the VHS.

And OOOOOOOOOH Cary Elwes. He is my favorite actor. He was my first guy crush that was a real person (my first actual crush was Shaggy from Scooby Do. Don’t judge me.) He’s funny, witty, and a fighter. I have loved him in every movie he’s been in, but this. The Princess Bride. It’s my favorite.

I love it for the patter, the story line, the characters. I love the Grandfather/Grandson relationship. I love the out-witting, the cunning, the feistiness. And I absolutely love the best sword fight of all time. To me, it’s practically perfect in every way. There’s only one thing I hate about the movie.

Princess Buttercup is a needy whiny bitch.

What about MY needs?

Seriously. She an absolutely atrocious person. She falls in love with the boy that does everything for her, doing nothing in return. When she thinks her true love is dead, she mopes around, unable to do anything for herself. She lets herself get carted around, here to there, not fighting for herself at all. When she is reunited with her love, she contributes nothing to their escape. She allows him to be taken from her, she sits back and lets herself get rescued again, and doesn’t even try to run away.

The best example of her neediness is in the fire swamp. She needs Wesley to save her from the sand pit. She needs him to put out her dress. The only moment she tries to fight for herself is when attacked by an R.O.U.S. (Rodent Of Unusual Size), after calling out for Wesley to save her from the bumbling rodent, when he doesn’t get there fast enough. And she still can’t do it and still needs saving.

It’s a good thing for her R.O.U.S.es don’t exist. Oh wait- they do.

Well, kinda.

Iran has always had a rat problem. Recently, it’s grown, both in number and size. The rats are up to 11 pounds and thought to be getting bigger. They are larger than some cats. And there are thousands of them.

The problem has gotten so large, army snipers are being set out to take care of them.

Hey, it’s no Wesley with a sword, wrestling midgets in rat costumes, but it’s better than a Buttercup with a stick.